Cranky Frank spanks planks
FRANK Rothwell is TV’s answer to Fenton the Labrador.
You hear his name shouted with impotent frustration on every episode of The Island with Bear Grylls.
“Frank! Frank? FRANK!” they cry as he shoots off to do his own pig-headed thing.
At one stage the 66-year-old Tommy Cannon lookalike, inset, was almost swept away by a rising tide... much like France’s political elite.
The Oldham old’un makes great telly, though. He may take cantankerous to an uncharted level (Franktankerous?), but his work ethic puts the youngsters to shame.
Bear split his islanders into two groups – over-forties and an 18-30 shower – and dumped them somewhere off Panama.
It’s the Generation Game meets South Pacific! While the oldies mastered fire, Email me at: garry.bushell@ dailystar.co.uk or write c/o Daily Star Sunday, 10 Lower Thames Street, London EC3R 6EN digs and a limpet stew on day one, the under-30s went without for three. Step forward electrician Ben, 29. To Frank, the cocky south Londoner was “that gobby bloke”, while the posh kids called him “difficult” and “a poo face”...until he finally got the fire going. Ben even caught a fish.
When the groups finally merged, it was because the youngsters couldn’t cope. Most seemed keener on sun-bathing than survival skills.
Frank, who’d married at 19, kicked off at “strong young men sat there with their fingers up their arses”.
He had a point. He tried to take Freddie, 18, under his wing but instead of drying out the fire wood the kid sloped off to go swimming.
Consequently, the water wasn’t properly boiled, most of them went down with the trots and Freddie quit. Same story with the women. The 23-year-olds look better in bikinis, but they’re about as much use on that island as a Samson 6-in-1 juicer. “Unemployed graduate” Jordan is treating the show as a holiday. “I’m used to being eaten,” she said. “I’m used to not having any sleep at night...” It made her sound like Mel B’s nanny. Kaggy spent the first few days taking offence before finally spotting the turkey that became roast dinner. Convenient how it just came waltzing along though. In previous years, Bear’s crew deliberately released tame pigs as not even Channel 4 would screen the useless twerps starving to death. Capable, focused ex-cop Jane, 49, and serving detective Jacqui, 50, are far handier in a crisis. LINE of Duty... Sinead Keenan, right, Little Boy Blue...Big Little Lies finale...Peri Baumeister, The Last Kingdom. HOSPITAL People, left – as funny as MRSA, do not resuscitate...Genius – brainless...The Boss – toss...Culinary Genius – over-done. I’M on Vasilia’s side regarding The Durrells. She wants them off her island, I want them off my telly.
Keeley Hawes aside, who are we supposed to like? The grumpy daughter? The arrogant grown-up sons? Gertcha.
Stick ’em on Bear Grylls’ Island and we’ll talk.