Creator tells us all about the baddie daddi

IT’S the third Sunday in June, so it must be Father’s Day. It’s a wonderful day for sending dear old dad a card with a sentimental message… Roses are red, violets are blue; Most poems rhyme, but this one doesn’t. Some kind children will be making sure their dads have tea in their beds. But most fathers would prefer their tea in a cup. – TERRY DEARY FATHER’S Day wasn’t invented by greetings card companies. It’s been around since the Middle Ages when it was celebrated on March 19 – Saint Joseph’s Day.

Of course, Joseph was like a father to Jesus, the son of God. Joseph was a carpenter and Jesus a chip off the old block.

March 19 always falls in Lent, so St Joseph’s feast days were always veggie affairs.

In the Philippines, his day is celebrated with a show of generosity by some families. An old man, a young lady and a small boy are picked from the poor and dressed up as Saint Joseph, the Virgin Mary and Jesus. They are taken to a table and served a meal – often spoon-fed, literally, by members of the family. DADS and lasses can often have a fraught relationship. The Greek queen, Helen, was abducted and carried off to Troy. Her brother-inlaw, Agamemnon, led the army that would set sail and bring her back. But he upset a goddess, Artemis. They can be very touchy, goddesses. She sent a plague and then fierce headwinds to put an end to Agamemnon’s plans.

When he asked what he could do to lift the curse, Artemis said: “Sacrifice your daughter, Iphigenia.” He only had 4 daughters. Surely he couldn’t kill the girl to get a fair wind? He did. That’s one less Father’s Day card for him then.

In true Greek legend style he came to a sticky end, drowned in a bath by his wife.

Wash and go. HEROD has not had a very good press… massacre of the innocents and all that. But his greatest critics must admit he was consistent. He didn’t discriminate between the first-born of strangers and his own sons. Spare Herod and spoil the child. He had three sons executed, which must have slashed his Father’s Day gifts. (He also chopped his second wife, his mother-in-law and his brother-in-law.) WILL Shakespeare revived the half-forgotten tragedy of Lear, the ancient British king. The ageing monarch promises to leave his realm to the daughters who love him most. “Me,” says Goneril. “And me,” says Regan. (They lie.)

Cordelia, his loving, but naïve, daughter, says: “I love you just as much a daughter should love her father, no more nor less.”

Lear is furious and shows her the door…just in case she has forgotten what a door is.

The wicked sisters, like panto dames, flatter their father and then throw him out of the house once they have his money.

Goneril poisons Regan but kills herself. Lear comes to his senses, finds that his enemy has hanged Cordelia, and dies of a broken heart.

Not so much a panto after all… WOULD a daughter kill her dear old dad? Lizzie Borden was accused of murdering BOTH her parents in 1892. Her alleged patricide and matricide is remembered in the skipping rhyme: Lizzie Borden took an axe, And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one. I think we can agree 41 whacks is a bit excessive when one well-judged blow might have done the job. (In fact, it was 19 chops for mum and 10 for dad. Abby Borden wasn’t Lizzie’s mum but her stepmother.) Lizzie was arrested and tried. It took the jury 90 minutes to acquit her.

So Lizzie Borden didn’t take an axe or give her father any whacks. Mind you, he was a very rich and very mean man. So she did have an axe to grind.