Surviving Christmas With The Relatives

ANDY’S RATING: ★ In cinemas on Friday

THE British film industry never forgets its festive obligations but this year they’ve gone to town. This over-cooked and utterly tasteless family comedy could be the biggest Christmas turkey served up in many years.

Here the trimmings have been laid out for an American audience. Every Brit is eccentric, plummy, achingly polite and played by someone off US TV.

Architect Dan (Downton Abbey’s Julian Ovenden) is marshalling some Polish workmen as they make last-minute repairs to his sprawling country house.

His wife Miranda (Game Of Thrones’ Gemma Whelan), who quirkily wears a nightie in the daytime, is excited that her movie star sister Lyla (Nip/Tuck’s Joely Richardson) and her American husband Trent (Michael Landes) are coming to stay.

Inevitably there are a series of mishaps. The family dog takes Viagra, the kids catch an elderly aunt (Patricia Hodge) using a vibrator and her stepson is off his head on skunk.

Then the Aga breaks down shortly after the Poles – who live in caravan in their garden – get hammered on vodka and are arrested.

If you think drunken Poles are, well, a bit racist, wait until you see their Asian guest (Jade Ma) as she picks some festive music.

Guess who her favourite singer is? That’s right, it’s “Blyan Felly”.