Flakes are in a deadEnder job
KAREN was talking about her mixed breed Jack Russell and pug dogs on Embarrassing Pets when she said: S.Meredith of Liverpool wins £35 for that howler. Keep ’em coming to the address at the top of the page.
THERE are so many mysteries on EastEnders it’s “doin’ my ’ead in”. Why didn’t anyone ask what Roxy Mitchell was doing in the jungle?
She’s supposed to be pushing up the daisies, not jerking around with a cockroach up her jacksie.
No-one asked Kat what Ireland was like...and naturally she’s neglected to mention that her lost son turned out to be a psychopathic killer priest.
Why do so many Walford residents romp in khazis (Mel and Ray, Max and Fi, Martin and Stacey...)? Talk about bog-standard sex.
When did little Tommy have his head transplant? Where does Ian Beale’s fire escape lead to? Direct to the seventh circle of Hell, maybe.
His restaurant is ground level – the exit is 20ft lower. There are no steps leading back to street level.
It was dark when Billy “Lonely Loins” Mitchell walked back to the party with a case of beer, so how was THEY had Painted Wolves on Dynasties.
I’m not sure who painted them, but they were ugly enough to win a Turner Prize.
No wonder they’re endangered
– they’d have to be skunkdrunk to mate.
The storyline was grim, gory and gripping – almost Shakespearean. Blacktip and her pack hounded her mother Tait but over-reached, losing cubs to hyenas and crocodiles.
The soaps should pinch this. Grant Mitchell’s kid comes back to Walford, drives out Phil and comes unstuck.
Two things irritated. Wild animals don’t have names. And Attenborough claimed they were “one of the last great families”. How does he know? He loves a bit of spin doesn’t he? Email me at: [email protected] dailystar.co.uk or write c/o Daily Star Sunday,
10 Lower Thames Street, London
EC3R 6EN there still natural light inside the Slaters’ doss-hole? Why is no-one ill when there isn’t a GP in the cast?
We might also ask why, if the whole pub can debate rape, does no regular character ever advocate the return of the death penalty for the Square’s many murderers?
EastEnders boasts it reflects “real life”. But the writers – snowflakes to a man – actually use the scripts to hammer home their own prejudices.
The referendum result infuriated them so much that The Vic ran an EU-themed supper club week...like no known pub in east London.
Drama should reflect the way the world is, even if we don’t like it. If it celebrates life as we’d like it to be then it isn’t drama. It’s just propaganda.
When Julia Smith and Tony Holland created EastEnders, it genuinely captured a sense of the old East End.
Characters like Den and Angie Watts and the Fowlers felt as real as Marie Lloyd or John L Gardner, as did Frank Butcher and the Mitchell bruvs (when they were mechanics, not semi-villains).
I’m not sure who we’re supposed to like now. Alfie was always a wide boy but running a rip-off funeral plan targeting hard-up locals is plain wicked.
They’ve even started on the past, with a recent storyline suggesting Charlie Slater was complicit in Kat’s abuse. Misery rules, OK.
The idea of a character making a success of their life through hard work never occurs to them. JESSICA Biel, right, The Sinner (BBC4)... The Marvellous Mrs Maisel (AmPrime)... Daredevil (Netflix). HOW To Spend It Well At Xmas, left – start by swerving this old tat...Dave’s Advent Calendar – pitiful... The X Factor final – end of an error... Fortitude – bonkers. DANNY Dyer surprised many Have I Got News For You viewers. For starters he was in a suit and no-one was calling him “the accused”. Some objected to his accent. “Who’s this posh bloke?” said a Mr Raymond Winstone of Homerton.
Others hated his swearing, although when Dan suggested a snooty Times letter writer should “f*** off” he won me right over.
He struggled with the Autocue but sent himself up gleefully claiming he’d been “stockpiling pies, fags and penicillin”.
Dyer had some good gags, including the claim a Dutch Shepherd dog was “like a German Shepherd but with a more liberal attitude to drugs”. Merton disliked him so much he didn’t mug to the cameras once. VEGANS. The BBC comedy Stasi refusing to let us see repeats of It Ain’t Half Hot Mum and The Goodies. People who complain about sex on TV but watch it on catch-up. Newsnight’s decline. OTT soundtracks that treat us like toddlers.