Bad hangover for dunce Dan
IT was interview week on The Apprentice, the episode where Sugar’s hopefuls enjoy gentle consultations with his caring advisers.
Who am I kidding? It was brutal. Their business plans got ripped apart like an antelope calf caught by hungry hyenas on Dynasties.
Dodgy Daniel said he’d devised a hangover cure, but couldn’t market it as that because of Britain’s “draconian” advertising rules.
Yeah, that truth in advertising thing is a real bummer.
Although formidable in tasks, wideboy Dan had honesty issues. He had claimed on Amazon to have sold “over one million units” of this slop – more than 20 times the actual sales.
But he had flogged the franchise in Dubai. Great! They’re renowned for their booze culture in the Emirates.
Try Saudi next, mate – their cops cure “Kat Moon flu” with 300 lashes and a year in the slammer.
The ex-banker channelled the spirit of Jade Goody to ask: “Is Australia in Asia?” D’oh! Claudine Collins told him: “You sound like a prize imbecile.” That was putting it mildly.
Law graduate Camilla took it hard for her Carry On-style nut milk sales pitch and “provocative images” (probably why I liked her). “It feels so good to have nuts back in my life,” she said. “I’ve missed them.” What a minx.
Sadly, after three months knocking out nut juice by hand in her kitchen she’d made the grand total of...£1,297, or £155 a week.
You’d earn more waiting on tables. Stroppy Khadija copped it too. Linda Plant wiped the floor with her cleaning business proposal, “pipe dream” projections and plans for a swanky London office.
“You haven’t even conquered Peterborough yet,” Plant snapped. Sugar said Khad “could just shout at the germs and they’d run away”.
Sian thought students would shell out £50 for her posh bikinis. She also wants to put big sleeves on swimwear. “You’d drown,” said Mike Souter, aghast.
Sabrina had more waffle than Belgium. But her tennis events business – run by over-booking tournaments and cancelling them – was deemed a double fault. Only Camilla and Sian survived.
So it’s luxury swimwear versus nutsfor-sluts filth tonight. Oh well, Camilla if your nuts get crushed, I will cashew.
Shugs would’ve made a lot more dosh with Daniel. Cheers!