Daily Star Sunday

Bad hangover for dunce Dan

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IT was interview week on The Apprentice, the episode where Sugar’s hopefuls enjoy gentle consultati­ons with his caring advisers.

Who am I kidding? It was brutal. Their business plans got ripped apart like an antelope calf caught by hungry hyenas on Dynasties.

Dodgy Daniel said he’d devised a hangover cure, but couldn’t market it as that because of Britain’s “draconian” advertisin­g rules.

Yeah, that truth in advertisin­g thing is a real bummer.

Although formidable in tasks, wideboy Dan had honesty issues. He had claimed on Amazon to have sold “over one million units” of this slop – more than 20 times the actual sales.

But he had flogged the franchise in Dubai. Great! They’re renowned for their booze culture in the Emirates.

Try Saudi next, mate – their cops cure “Kat Moon flu” with 300 lashes and a year in the slammer.

The ex-banker channelled the spirit of Jade Goody to ask: “Is Australia in Asia?” D’oh! Claudine Collins told him: “You sound like a prize imbecile.” That was putting it mildly.

Law graduate Camilla took it hard for her Carry On-style nut milk sales pitch and “provocativ­e images” (probably why I liked her). “It feels so good to have nuts back in my life,” she said. “I’ve missed them.” What a minx.

Sadly, after three months knocking out nut juice by hand in her kitchen she’d made the grand total of...£1,297, or £155 a week.

You’d earn more waiting on tables. Stroppy Khadija copped it too. Linda Plant wiped the floor with her cleaning business proposal, “pipe dream” projection­s and plans for a swanky London office.

“You haven’t even conquered Peterborou­gh yet,” Plant snapped. Sugar said Khad “could just shout at the germs and they’d run away”.

Sian thought students would shell out £50 for her posh bikinis. She also wants to put big sleeves on swimwear. “You’d drown,” said Mike Souter, aghast.

Sabrina had more waffle than Belgium. But her tennis events business – run by over-booking tournament­s and cancelling them – was deemed a double fault. Only Camilla and Sian survived.

So it’s luxury swimwear versus nutsfor-sluts filth tonight. Oh well, Camilla if your nuts get crushed, I will cashew.

Shugs would’ve made a lot more dosh with Daniel. Cheers!

 ??  ?? GRILLED: Daniel in interview and, inset, Camilla
GRILLED: Daniel in interview and, inset, Camilla

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