Breaking up is hard to watch
DIVORCE, Robin Williams said, is like ripping a man’s genitals out through his wallet.
Watching The Split is almost as painful.
Every character in this middleclass legal soap irritates – and not just because it ticks more boxes than an overworked driving examiner.
It revolves around the Defoe family and their trendy law firm.
Divorce specialist Hannah is getting revenge on her cheating husband Nathan by shagging creepy Dutch colleague Christie.
An eye for an eye, a bonk for a bonk.
She proved her genius by, ahem, handling his briefs in her office... with the door wide open.
There’s her sour-faced mum, her sozzled sister Nina and newly-wed Rose, who miscarried.
Dad Oscar lost the will to live, presumably after reading the scripts.
They couldn’t even behave like human beings when they scattered his ashes (“Can we hurry this up? I’ve
Email me at: garry.bushell@ dailystar.co.uk or write c/o Daily Star Sunday, One Canada Square, London E14 5AP got a very busy day.”) There’s also a pushy trainee who chats up Nathan in unintelligible Guardian-speak.
I’m sure people like this exist, but their bland herd mentality and shallow lives should be satirised, not celebrated.
The Beeb haven’t got the guts or gumption to have a character like Boston Legal’s Denny Crane kicking against their tedious groupthink.
The Split has been called Britain’s answer to The Good Wife, but not by anyone who’s ever watched The Good Wife.
Duff blokes abound. An Anglican bishop planned to divorce his wife for the hell of it, a serial love-rat music producer was at it with everyone he met behind Donna Air’s back...
Air plays a pop/TV star who he’d duped into signing an iffy pre-nup.
To prove they’re high-flyers he says things like: “Don’t forget, we’ve got dinner with Amazon tonight…”
Yeah, Jeff Bezos is flying in specially. He wouldn’t show dross like this on Am-Prime.
TYSON Fury: The Gypsy King, right... Stephanie Leonidas, Endeavour...Adria Arjona, Good Omens...The Cave (Nat Geo).
THE Pale Horse – a load of old pony...Kevin McCloud’s Rough Guide To The Future, left... sci-fi “comedy” Avenue 5 – in space no-one can hear you laugh.
THE Oscars without a host. Renée Zellweger’s yawninducing speech. Joaquin Phoenix banging on – again. Bluffers pretending they have seen Parasite. John Barrowman
– turn it in.