COUNTDOWN TO PUTDOWNS
Pick of telly’s cutting quips
Anne Robinson on The Weakest Link: “This is a general knowledge game, not a home for the bewildered.”
Frankie Boyle on Mock The Week: “Tonight isn’t all about comedy... here’s
Ben Elton.”
Chef Gordon Ramsay on Kitchen Nightmares: “When you take a bite of that cod, it’s almost like you’ve got a breaded condom in your mouth.”
Anne Robinson to beauty therapist Marilyn on Weakest Link: “So you haven’t had any time to work on yourself then?”
Frank Skinner at the 2002 BRIT Awards: Welcoming Sophie Ellis-Bextor to the stage, he asked her:
“Why the wide face?”
Simon Cowell to an X Factor wannabe: “If your lifeguard duties were as good as your singing, a lot of people would be drowning.” And to another: “You called yourself Champagne, and sounded like house wine.”
Caroline Aherne to Debbie McGee on The Mrs Merton Show: “So, what first attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?”
Sharon Osbourne to Rebecca Loos on The X Factor: Battle Of
The Stars: “Try doing tomorrow’s performance with your knickers on, because it will help warm up your voice.”
Bake Off judge Paul Hollywood to a contestant: “It looks like a rough plasterer’s job.”
Chat-show host Clive Anderson to author Jeffrey Archer: “Is there no beginning to your talents?”
Jeremy Clarkson on the Porsche Cayenne on Top Gear: “It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.”
Strictly’s Craig Revel Horwood on Jeremy
“QUEEN of Mean” TV star Anne Robinson is set to take over as the host of Countdown.
The 76-year-old, who is replacing Nick Hewer, is best known for her put-downs on The Weakest Link.
She poked fun at herself ahead of her new role by saying: “Sadly, there’s no time for another facelift so I’ll have to make do with this old one.”
Here JAMES MOORE recalls some of TV’s top tongue lashings…
Vine’s jive routine: “Like watching a stork who’s been struck by lightning.”
Spike Milligan on the Prince of Wales at the 1994 British Comedy Awards: “Grovelling little bastard”.
Lord Sugar to hopeful on The Apprentice: “If you nod your head any longer I’m going to put you on the back seat of my bloody car.”
Claude Littner to another budding tycoon:
“You’re not a big fish. You’re not even a fish.”
Hosting the Golden Globe Awards, Ricky Gervais told actors: “If Isis started a streaming service, you would call your agent.”
Anne Robinson on Weakest Link contestant:
“Do you think you might get more interesting as the quiz goes on?”
Eurovision’s host Graham Norton:
“Like Anne Robinson in a Korean restaurant… it’ll be dog eat dog.”
CHARLOTTE Dawson is sure her comedy legend dad Les has been visiting his new grandson from beyond the grave.
She has “felt his spirit around” since she gave birth to little Noah last month.
The 28-year-old telly star said: “I have felt my dad’s presence since Noah has been here. He is definitely around us.
“Noah has the same star sign as my dad. And he was born exactly a week before dad’s birthday. So I definitely feel like my dad is around us and looking after us and guiding us.”
Les died in 1993 when Charlotte was eight months old. But she is determined to make sure he is still part of their lives.
She said: “I am heartbroken that my dad isn’t going to meet Noah. But at least Noah can get to know him through videos. Noah is so lucky that he can see his grandad that way.”
Charlotte’s life has been turned around by motherhood. She ditched her partying ways to enjoy the quiet life with fiancé Matthew Sarsfield.
She said: “I’m not a wild child any more. I’m a mother now.
“There have been a lot of highs and a lot of lows and I do struggle. But it’s also the most amazing feeling in the world.”
Cameras have been following Charlotte for a new show.
She said: “My dad filmed lots of home footage. Now I’m doing this show for Noah. He’ll have all these special memories.”
Celebrity Bumps: Famous & Pregnant starts on March 3 at 8pm on MTV.