Not quite as smart...

ANOTHER week and yet another high-level complaint about the dangers of “smart” motorways, which in truth are closer to death traps.

This time it comes from South Yorkshire crime commissioner Dr Alan Billings, who has written to Transport Secretary Grant Shapps after a car smashed into a lorry marooned on the M1 two weeks ago.

The minister said they are “as safe as or safer than conventional motorways, but not in every way”.

I’m not quite sure what that means, but I repeat my challenge to Mr Shapps: “Are you prepared to drive along the hard shoulder with your family in the car while it is being used as a live lane... then stop and park up?”

CHATTY Man Alan Carr has been told to be a catty man on his latest show, Interior Design Masters. The comic isn’t a judge on the makeover contest but bosses still want him to say exactly what he thinks. Alan said: “I was told by the producers that not only was I the presenter, I was also meant to represent the people at home watching and that I should be brutally honest and say what the viewer was thinking.

“So, if the hallway is painted baby-poo brown I’m going to say it. Or if the dado rail is wonky, I will bring it up. Basically, I’ve been employed because I have no filter.”

Calm down, Alan, you’re not exactly Simon Cowell… I doubt anyone will be too offended.

Interior Design Masters is on Tuesday at 8pm on BBC Two.

JAMES “Jimmy” Nesbitt’s new drama looks like it’s going to be explosive… He plays a detective on the hunt for an assassin in Bloodlands.

The story was penned by Jed Mercurio, who brought us Line Of Duty and Bodyguard.

So you can expect plenty of twists, turns and dead bodies.

James said: “Bloodlands is a classic Jed Mercurio thriller where you’re not really sure what’s going on, with many different stories interwoven into it.

“I think it will keep viewers on the edge of their seats.”

If it’s anything like Line Of Duty then I’d suggest switching your phone off and pouring yourself a large drink!

Catch it tonight at 9pm on BBC One.

retyred!

Gary Delaney

A 20FT bear made from a record-breaking 48,000 roses decorated a wedding vow renewal for 108 couples in Wanning, China.