Time to panic, Mr Mainwaring
Gran’s 1,450 tea towels
DAD’S Army was introduced on BBC Two this week with the dreary words: “Now with discriminatory language that some may find offensive…”
You know what I find offensive? Idiotic BBC bosses who think one of our most revered mainstream sitcoms needs a snowflake alert.
These PC berks are worse than Mary Whitehouse. Everything they commission has to tick boxes, be approved by two dozen over-paid execs, impress focus groups and have every ounce of joy hammered out of it.
No wonder scripted humour has withered on the vine. Looking at the schedules, you wonder if they have given up sitcoms for Lent or for good.
Comedy writers ring me in despair over decent gags cut on the spurious grounds that they might offend some perpetually outraged right-on warrior.
This has got to stop. Who cares what a tiny minority of extremist twerps think? The paying public love downto-earth humour.
The BBC should swerve their own comedy department and set up an action unit to build sitcoms aimed at
majority audiences. Anyone “offended” by Capt Mainwaring is part of the problem.
I’d recommission Comedy Playhouse for writers who aren’t part of TV’s Oxbridge elite.
Sketch shows need help too. The Fast Show was last century and ITV2’s Stand-Up Sketch Show is no substitute.
So-so comics do routines that are partly acted out, but most of their meandering material falls well short of anything resembling a punchline.
Elsewhere, Romesh made me laugh out loud with his rant about Covid experts who “feel they need to make worse and worse predictions to stay relevant”.
He used “go f*** yourself” as a punchline. Normally I’d disapprove. But when it comes to TV’s comedy police it’s the only message they’d understand.
● SITCOMS we could revive: Phoenix Nights, Gavin & Stacey, Jack Dee’s Lead Balloon, Early Doors, The Grimleys, Mind Your Language (I’m just kidding).
BARBARA Howard has spent five decades building up her unusual collection... and has no plans to throw in the towel.
Grandmother Barbara has amassed more than 1,450 tea towels over the years and possibly set a world record in the process.
The retired charity collector chose her home because it had built-in wardrobes big enough for her collection, which has so far cost her close to £10,000.
She has so many towels they have to be displayed in rotation.
Barbara bought the first in 1970 and it led to an addictive hobby.
Now in her 60s, she said: “There isn’t a tea towel I don’t love. They’re beautiful works of art, I use all of them. I only use them to dry dishes as they’ll get damaged if used to wipe up stains.”
Barbara has examples from all over the world, including Australia. “Each tea towel is special to me as they bring back good memories,” she added.
For every birthday, Christmas or special occasion, Barbara is given tea towels. She joked: “I am the easiest person to buy for.”
A spokesman for Guinness World Records said: “This could potentially be a new record and we’d encourage Barbara to apply to us.”
A GRIEVING brother has criticised police for failing to protect his sister from her violent ex-partner.
Ivan Kigenza has spoken out after model Linah Keza was murdered by David Gikawa.
It came after officers failed to act despite Linah having warned them her ex was dangerous.
In an emotional interview, Ivan said: “If this organisation had done more… if the police had actually responded to the cause of the alarm, I think David would have been scared.
“They could have done better to protect her and to listen to her as well.”
Linah had first witnessed Gikawa’s violent tendencies years earlier. When the 29-year-old tried to leave him and get legal help in 2013, he turned up at her home in east London armed with a knife.
Police attended the scene but failed to follow it up with the correct protocol.
Ivan thinks she knew then her life was in serious danger. He said: “You could see she knew someone was going to kill her.”
Five days later Gikawa returned to her home. Fearing for her life, Rwanda-born Linah called police and told them: “I’m so scared. I can’t breathe.” But when officers attended they again failed to follow protocol and investigate the claims fully.
They classed the situation as “medium risk” as they remained ignorant about Gikawa’s history of violence. Ivan recalled: “She
was so worried about him. She was saying to me he had sent a logo of a coffin, a candle, a cross and a bow to her on a mobile phone.”
Days later Gikawa told police he needed to be allowed to go to
Linah’s home to pick up his belongings. This was approved without officers checking his criminal record.
Gikawa let himself into the property in the middle of the night to confront mum Linah and stabbed her.
A neighbour overheard and interrupted, but it was too late and Linah died of multiple wounds.
Ivan said: “I thought, ‘If this is a dream, please make me wake up.’ It was so painful. It was one of the worst dreams.”
Gikawa, 39, was found guilty of murder and sentenced to a minimum of 21 years in jail.
But Linah’s family still had questions over how the police let it happen. Ivan said: “I don’t even know how he managed to get away with the whole thing because of the crimes he had done.”
After an inquiry, three officers were handed a final written warning for gross misconduct.
The case features on Murder At My Door tomorrow at 9pm on Crime + Investigation.
It is part of the channel’s #HereForHer campaign, which is raising awareness of the charity Refuge. For more information visit crimeandinvestigation.co. uk/hereforher.