Return of footie could get Messi
THE Premier League is back – and with crowds too.
The reason the stadiums are allowed to be at full capacity again is so every person attending can leave a pound on their seat after each game, which will go towards Lionel Messi’s new weekly wage bill at PSG.
You won’t believe this, but I actually feel sorry for Lionel.
Can you imagine his awful childhood being permanently shouted at by his mum to tidy his room because it was so... well, you know.
I watched the first game of the season on telly on Friday night with newcomers Brentford taking on my beloved Arsenal.
And with so many supporters making so much noise, I immediately felt the buzz of the Euros from earlier this summer all over again.
I found myself imagining what I would have done if we’d won the trophy. I suppose the answer would have been to stop playing FIFA and get an early night.
Like me, my buddy Pete settled down to watch the opening fixture with a six-pack of beers and some snacks, and with his pals filling every seat in the house – which just happened to be his actual house.
He didn’t even seem at all perturbed that, earlier on, his wife had left him a note when he arrived home from work saying she was leaving him because she simply couldn’t deal with another Premier League campaign.
She went on to say that his life purely revolves around football and she’s sick to the back teeth of never being shown any attention. Pete was actually quite upset. He said they were together for nine seasons. At least he’s a free agent now and can get a quick transfer.
At a recent fitness assessment, I was asked if I could pass a football. I’m not sure I could even swallow one to be honest.