King of bluster a busted flush

OK… I know you’re fed up with it.

I’m sick of it too – even the slightest mention of Partygate makes my ears want to shrivel into my head.

I want to move on and put memories of lockdown into Room 101 with other horrifying relics of the past, including Jim’ll Fix It and Louis Walsh.

There are much more important things going on.

I’m fed up that I guard the light switches and the thermostat at home like a crazed prison warder.

And it drives me nuts that I feel like a Formula One pit crew filling up my car – 2.4 seconds and I’m already skint.

But it’s not my fault that we’re still talking about those Number 10 shindigs.

It’s not the media’s fault.

It’s not aliens’ fault. It’s not Shaggy’s fault – it wasn’t him. And it’s not even the

Labour Party’s fault. The reason this daft saga about a cake, a few warm beers and some “work” gatherings continues to fill the news is because of one thing and one thing only…

The steaming pile of posh education, blond hair and bluster that is Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson.

Yep, Bozo for short.

It doesn’t really matter what your political beliefs are – Bozo made the rules. And Bozo broke them. It doesn’t get any more clear cut than that. Had he been upfront about any of it this at any time, this may well have been brushed under the carpet by now.

But he has denied, lied, altered his story, changed the subject and talked blithering balderdash at every opportunity.

Why couldn’t he just hold his hands up and say sorry like an adult?

Instead, he acts like naughty school kid putting his hands over his ears and shouting “la, la, la, la”, hoping it will go away.

Well, it won’t go away until he is no longer Prime Minister. He may do the decent thing and resign (stop chuckling at the back).

But unless pigs start flying soon, that’s pretty unlikely.

Maybe a good, old-fashioned drubbing at Thursday’s local elections will make his party grow a backbone and finally boot him out.

Otherwise we’ll be hearing about ABBA parties and boozy Zoom quizzes for years to come.

And I’m already fed up at the thought of that.