Glum bobby’s beetle mania

IS DS Roy Grace Britain’s dullest TV detective?

He doesn’t do much detecting. Roy would rather hand a murder victim’s belongings to “medium” Harry who picks up uncannily accurate clues.

I keep hoping he’ll connect with Marty Hopkirk from Randall & Hopkirk (Deceased). At least they had a laugh.

Glum old Roy has been mourning his missing missus for nine years and never cracks a smile – this may also be why she left him.

In his latest case, psychos left dead scarab beetles by their victims’ corpses as calling cards.

Grace suspected a serial killer.

In fact, snuff ring Scarab Corporation International was making a killing on the dark web – in both senses.

They were ex-military (like so many telly villains) and more computersavvy than the CIA.

Mercifully, human error kicked in. One operative, a big-mouthed berk on the Brighton train, left a memory stick showing the real-life slaughter of a trainee solicitor. (In the book it was a CD, but 16 years on you’ll only see them on the Antiques Roadshow, along with ATM machines.)

An unlucky passenger found it, and saw levels of filth that even Tory MPs don’t watch in Parliament.

The SCI took over his device instantly and warned him off. When he finally told plod, he and his wife became the next intended victims.

Roy saved the

day, with the help of ex-vice cop Stormin’ Norman Potting, who seemed to be from another show entirely.

More of him, please.

Grace’s oppo Branson took a bullet but will live to see another case. Hurrah! It’s hokum, but watchable hokum all the same.

● NORMAN explained that the vice term “VGE” means Virtual Girlfriend Experience. Never try the virtual wife one. She just necks pints of Chardonnay, turns down sex and tells you you’ve ruined

her life.