Money’s in the Banksy

THEY sold a “probable” Banksy – a rat stencilled on a concrete slab – on The Greatest Auction for £250,000. Blimey. Any chance he could paint my shed?

I felt for Kevin who flogged his precious Buzzcocks collection. Luckily it was snapped up, for £3k, by a fellow Bolton-based fan who said he’d let him visit – if he brought Jägermeister.

Auctioned items included Tommy Cooper’s fez and pig foetuses in a medical jar (a more-bid curiosity).

Host AJ Odudu added her trademark sparkle to the format, hugging buyers and sellers alike. She’d be priceless under the hammer, I’d imagine.

Phone bids weaken the format – we need to see faces. But at least we saw more of receptionist Lauren, who is no small work of art herself.

IT inspired me to search the loft for Ian Dury’s metronome, several rare punk singles and a limited-edition Big Breakfast plate that our cat broke.

Sadly, the Rolf Harris art from 1980 is now entirely worthless.

BLACK Ops. Myleene’s white bikini. C5’s weekend sitcom clips. Mica Millar. One More Audience With Dame Edna Everage. History’s Greatest Heists.

WHAT next from nudityobsessed C4? Why not cross Naked Attraction with Embarrassing Bodies for a new show… Naked Revulsion?

SUBTITLES had BBC weatherman Matt Taylor warning to expect an “occult stop tomorrow”. Mercifully, he’d said “a cold start”.

THERE’S only one way to enjoy/endure Eurovision – just surrender to the madness.

I haven’t fully recovered from Moldova’s accordion-powered gangsta folk-rap last year.

Nor from Poland’s hardworking milkmaids, whose authentic butter churning and advanced tool techniques failed to impress philistine voters in 2014.

We’ve been bombarded with highs and lows from the bafflingly popular jamboree all week.

C5’s Eurovision: 30 Unforgettable Moments recalled Ireland’s Niamh Kavanagh, whose bank bosses took out an ad saying “Take Monday off” – followed, after her win, with another saying “Take Tuesday off too”.

Scandals abounded. Like when Cliff, in full Austin Powers rig, was “beaten” by some Spanish boiler performing what sounded like throat warm-up exercises set to music. No one has ever

Email me at: garry.bushell@ dailystar.co.uk or write c/o Daily Star Sunday, One Canada Square, London E14 5AP proved Franco’s fascists fixed the result by bribing international jurors.

But no one has ever proved they didn’t either.

Euro-voting has always been iffy. In 1963, Norway shamelessly changed their scores live on TV so neighbours Denmark would trounce Switzerland.

Post-Brexit, EU countries punished Britain with multiple “nul points” broadsides. And Sam Ryder’s Space Man was cheated out of victory by a tidal wave of sympathy for Ukraine.

Hating Putin’s war crimes meant we had to suffer an undeserved win for that awful racket Stefania.

Eurovision: Secrets & Scandals told how a dull ballad triggered Portugal’s 1974 Carnation Revolution, liberating the country from tyranny.

Elsewhere, Bucks Fizz’s eye-catching dress stunt may have triggered puberty… or at least helped kids making their minds up.

Ireland once sent a turkey puppet. Russia sent grannies – presumably now on Putin’s frontline.

We’ve seen great acts – ABBA, Lordi, Katrina, Sandie Shaw. And bad ones. Yes you, Jemini.

Music aside, Britain always had winners in Wogan and Norton.

Next week – last night’s mix of crazy costumes, cheesy camp and chronic crooning…

GOOF overload on the Wicked Wall trial as Paul Burrell told Carol Vorderman: “I’m trying to push it all the way in… Can you feel it?... I’m trying to get it up, Carol.”

“It’s coming,” replied Vorders, adding, “That was proper hard that.”

Crikey.