Salmon has fishyaccent
SUNDAY evening on ITV, and an oddly-dressed clown is busy proving he’s nowhere near as funny as he thinks he is. But enough about Bruno…
What a weird night. Cowell lost his voice, the judges lost their marbles.
And Viggo Venn, a man more off the wall than an antique squash ball, romped to victory with nearly a quarter of the public vote.
Not bad for a wild-haired hi-vis “Viking” with no act.
This wasn’t so much Britain’s Got Talent as Norway’s Got Nitwits.
Ant McPartlin was bowled over by Viggo. Literally. (Why is Ant always the one who gets decked?) You felt for choirboy Malakai, dancer Lillianna and gravity-defying Duo Odyssey. But Venn’s win was a V-sign to the contrived charade this show has become.
It’s all about the judges now – and they just aren’t fit for purpose.
None has the authority Tony Hatch brought to New Faces. Cowell is out of his comfort zone with non-singers and Amanda gushes like an over-hydrated cart-horse.
BGT has lost its mojo, but here’s how to reboot it:
Prove producers don’t fix the result by having acts draw straws for the running order.
Ration nutters. Sadists enjoy seeing judges crush the dreams of folk whose ambition heavily outweighs their ability, but too many cranks corrode the contest.
Bring in agents competing to represent the acts.
Create variety formats to build them and a youth spin-off show – teens shouldn’t be competing with adults.
Realise variety means more than umpteen singers and dancers. Give us more laughs.
One reason Venn won was his sheer silliness.
He had no sob story and no issues or grievances, just clown moves, likeability and surreal warmth.
If nothing else, he’ll have a great career as a football stadium steward.
ALESHA laughed so hard “she broke her ring”. Blimey. The queue of volunteers to kiss it better must’ve stretched halfway to Wetwang.
DON’T knock Tonikaku! The bloke brought new meaning to “just pants”.
MICHAEL Sheen has a point about dodgy accents. I quite like George “The Nightmare” Knight in DeadEnders but Colin Salmon sounds nothing like anyone who grew up next door to Custom House.
Still, at least his accent hasn’t changed nationality overnight like Vicky Fowler’s did.
SKY News. OTT nuisance Bruno Tonioli. Corrie getting two awards for their awful acid attack – picked by ITV’s “experts”, not the viewers.