Home moaners who want it all
HOLA! Greetings from Spain. I’m here thanks to the magnetic pull of A Place In The Sun.
Every weekday, Channel 4 tempt us with sweet dreams of retiring to a life of sunshine, siestas and sangria.
Oddly, the love affair isn’t reciprocated. As far as I can see, there is no Spanish TV equivalent. No series called A Place In The Drizzle offering a range of affordable properties in St Helens and Moss Side.
Clueless clots are the show’s highlight. Divs who want five bedrooms, three bathrooms, a snooker room, a jacuzzi, a balcony and a view of the Med, and, when asked “What’s your budget?”, reply with a straight face, “10,000 euros”.
I exaggerate only slightly.
How about couples who get shown a picture-perfect villa with a modern bathroom, roomy shower and a sink that shines like a Mr Muscle ad, and then shake their heads and say, “We don’t like the towels”.
Someone once turned down a dream home with everything they claimed they wanted ’cos they “weren’t feeling” the wooden ceiling.
They ask for somewhere traditional then moan it’s old-fashioned… call me a cynic but I suspect some of these cheapskates aren’t interested in buying anything.
They’re just in it for the free holiday. And a chance to meet Laura Hamilton.
Classic Spanish buildings are both moreish and Moorish. Downside? C4 don’t tell us the hidden costs of emigrating. Talk about Costa Packet.
And most of the filming is out of season, so your dream beach is not over-run with chubby bankers from Cologne pigging on bratwursts while blasting out Rex Gildo songs between litres of imported Paulaner.
PS. I stumbled on a house with no roof and half a front door. Price? 20,000 euros. But for cash, the owner offered to throw in a flea-ridden, halftethered mule with temper issues. Beat that, Scarlette Douglas!