BOX CLEVER WITH OUR GAGS Telly us a joke
“I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.”
JIMMY CARR
“I was in a play on the TV once, it was one of those suspense plays. It kept you wondering: what’s on the other channels?” LES DAWSON
“I just bought a watchdog and what do you think he watches? TV!”
TOMMY COOPER
“I saw this advert in a window that said: ‘Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.’ I thought, ‘I can’t turn that down.’” TIM VINE “I do all the exercises every morning in front of the television – up, down, up, down, up, down. Then the other eyelid.” KEN DODD
“This bloke said to me, he said, ‘Have you seen that TV show called exploding shrapnel?’ I said, ‘I think I’ve caught bits of it.’” TIM VINE
“I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!” STEWART FRANCIS
“If it wasn’t for Emmerdale I wouldn’t get any fresh air at all.” JOHN COOPER CLARKE
“Men don’t care what’s on TV, they only care what else is on TV.” JERRY SEINFELD
“I recently bought the box set ★
“I lost a friend after we had an argument about the Tardis. I thought it was a little thing, but it seemed much bigger once we got into it.” ADELE CLIFF
“I used to love that programme where Richard Bacon got OAPs to subsidise their pensions by growing and selling drugs. Hash In The Attic.”
NIGEL LOVELL
“People think I hate sex. I don’t. I just don’t like things that stop you seeing the television properly.” VICTORIA WOOD
“If you were to ask me to name three
RICKY GERVAIS, THE OFFICE
“I hate all those TV weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing, so get yourself a sexy raincoat and live a little.” BILLY CONNOLLY
“I love the BBC’s programmes about space and time... I hope they continuum.” TONY COWARDS