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MY brother is the world’s biggest scrounger. He can’t hold down a job and never has any money.
Any time we walk into a bar together he stands there while I get the beers in.
My mates insist he comes out with us because he’s a great laugh and a practical joker, but I’m becoming sick of his blood-sucking ways.
We’re all just back from Greece, where I subbed him all the way and he didn’t even say “thanks”.
Even our parents say I’m crazy for letting him take advantage.
I work full-time but I still struggle as I have a car and several credit card debts and loans.
Just recently he’s started cadging off our two cousins too.
WHY does my life have to be so narrow and rigid? Why can’t I simply do what I want and have a great time?
I’m having sex with two women. One is my mistress and one is my wife.
I’d happily carry on with this arrangement until my dying day, only they’ve got together and are ganging up on me.
Basically, they are demanding I choose one over the other and I’m struggling to make that decision.
My lover of two years wants travel, a flash apartment and a luxury, champagne lifestyle.
Meanwhile, my wife is insisting I come home full-time to her and the kids (17 and 19) and stop mucking about.
Grub
Both look great and are good in bed, but give me different things in other areas.
For example, my lover is no cook whereas my wife could give Mary Berry a run for her money.
Her roasts and pies are to die for – and I do like my grub.
On the other hand, my wife has no sense of humour whatsoever whereas my lover is a laugh.
We go to comedy clubs and follow certain popular comics around the circuit.
My mistress loves dancing, music and clubs, while my wife enjoys the telly. You get the picture?
My wife first found out about my affair when I accidentally sent her a series of explicit photographs of my lover and I on a sneaky holiday to Ibiza. At first she was reasonable and said that she would give me two weeks to sort everything out.
Only it’s now two months down the line and I’m still no closer to making a decision.
Meanwhile the two women have made contact and I’m piggy in the middle being pulled in two, different directions. How is that modern or fair?
JANE SAYS: Your brother is no fool. He’s going to carry on cadging for as long as you let him.
He realises that he doesn’t have to break into a sweat not as long as you and your cousins bail him out.
Why don’t you all get together and tackle this? Work out the kind of work he could do.
Check job websites and see if you know anyone who could give him work experience.
Be proactive. If the truth is that he needs to get more qualifications or specialist training, then look into that too.
Your brother has to be encouraged to stand on his own two feet, otherwise he’ll become a drag and everyone will begin to resent and despise him.
You also need to take your debts and loans seriously too. JANE SAYS: The honest fact is that life isn’t always fair.
Other men and women may achieve open marriages and threeway relationships. But if your wife and mistress aren’t interested in sharing you, then you’re stuffed.
You find yourself at a crossroads and have to decide which way to go.
To my mind you need to return home full-time because you have children waiting there.
Admittedly they’re in their late teens but they still need their father at home for love and guidance.
Why don’t you start thinking about them and their needs instead of your own?
Then, once they’ve left home or decided on their own thing, then you and your wife can sit down, chat and think again.
Ultimately, I can’t tell you who to live with, because only you know what’s in your head and your heart.
Maybe neither of these women are actually right for you and you need to think again.
But I do warn you to be cautious and think carefully because they both sound like determined, strong individuals.
It could be that you find yourself being cast out by both of them with nothing to show for yourself.