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MY ex and I have known each other for 20 years. We divorced in 2013 because he was drinking too much and playing around.
I threw him out when one of his lovers came to the door asking me for money to pay off her debts. The family house was sold and I moved to a bungalow near my sister.
The divorce was pretty nasty. One night he turned up at my mother’s house (drunk) and kicked her dog, which died two days later.
Now he’s back on his feet and can’t understand why I don’t want anything more to do with him.
He’s sober now and says he’s sorry for everything he did, but goes into a huff when, after a cup of tea, I tell him to leave. How do I get him to move on?
NO-one likes my boss. People either call her Cruella de Vil or simply “that bitch”.
Up until a few months ago I got on all right with her. She employed me and once got drunk and slurred that I was her “natural successor”.
But just lately she’s really turned. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong.
Colleagues confirm that she definitely gives me a harder time than anybody else.
Suddenly all of my ideas are “rubbish”. She humiliates me in meetings and gives me all the nastiest jobs to do.
Tough
I daren’t be a minute late into work or take a lunch break for fear of having my head bitten off.
I accept that I work in a tough industry where the stakes are high, but I’m not stupid.
I know she singles me out for the worst rollickings. Several people have suggested it’s because she fancies me. Well, she’s got a funny way of showing it.
One of the senior secretaries took me to one side and suggested I dump my girlfriend. She said that my boss is crazy about me and furious that I’m dating a girl from my health club.
But where does work end and my home life begin?
This secretary reckons our boss is terrified of showing her true feelings and showing me any favouritism in case she cracks and loses her authority.
Our firm has an early staff party, because Christmas is our busiest time. This year, partners are being invited for the first time. And I’m planning to take along my gorgeous girlfriend.
But is my jealous boss going to throw a glass of fizz in her face?
Am I actually going to have a job to go back to in the new year?
Why is life so unfair, when all I want to do is get on and work?
JANE SAYS: He needs to understand that your romantic and sexual relationship is over.
Sadly, for him, turning back the clock isn’t an option because too much has happened.
From having sex with other women to drunkenly attacking a poor defenceless animal, he’s lucky you even offer him so much as a cup of tea.
I wouldn’t have anything more to do with someone like that.
If this man is being a nuisance and if he’s stealing your time and making you dread opening the front door, you need to tell him to clear off for ever.
Don’t think twice about calling the police if he’s harassing or stalking you. You don’t owe him anything. JANE SAYS: Your private life is your business. You’re fully entitled to a girlfriend and love life away from the office.
Your boss is a very immature and unprofessional woman. If she can’t manage her emotions in the workplace then she shouldn’t be in a position of authority.
It’s appalling that she’s singling you out and being horrible to you.
Keep your distance from her at the Christmas party and, for goodness sake, don’t drink any alcohol or let your guard down.
Vow to behave with all the dignity and decorum you can muster.
I fear this is a very dangerous and tricky woman who could easily twist situations to her advantage. It’s important that you make a note of everything that has happened so far and then talk to your HR department and/or union about how you’re being treated.
You could also consider checking out Acas (acas.org.uk) for more advice.
Your deluded boss may believe she’s hit a certain point in her career, which allows her to run roughshod over everybody.
But she cannot get away with intimidating and bullying you. If you’re no good at your job, then why hasn’t she sacked you?
What she can’t do is keep picking away, because it will kill your professional confidence.