JfeËj \o ]li`flj n`k_ d\
IN the spirit of Christmas I decided to drop a card off at my son’s ex-girlfriend. I didn’t get a good reception.
She was vicious and angry. She swore at me to clear off and said some other horrible things. I’m desperately upset because I don’t know what I’ve done to offend her.
She dated my son for three years until last August and we all loved her. She virtually lived with us for six months after her flat flooded and I was distraught and confused when they suddenly split up. Now my son has had a go at me for “interfering”.
He says I crossed a line by going round and he is angry with me, which makes me feel even worse. I’VE been shocked to discover my girl is living a triple life.
I thought she was all mine, but now I’ve realised she has a lover down in London plus another in New York.
She has a very demanding job and travels all the time. I assumed she always stayed in hotels, but a little bird has told me she lies about her true whereabouts.
I feel utterly betrayed and humiliated.
We have been together for five years and I work locally. I have always been the one keeping our home together.
She calls me her “rock” and I’ve trusted her to behave whenever we’re apart.
It never crossed my mind she would ever hurt me because we’ve always had a good sex life and a fulfilling relationship.
To now hear that she has been sneaking around behind my back like a dirty alley cat is a dagger through my heart.
I’ve confronted her about this. At first she denied everything, but then she demanded to hear who I had heard this stuff from.
If anything she was more angry that someone had “snitched” than sorry.
Now she has thrown me a few details, muttered a pathetic apology and is trying to make light of it.
The other night she stormed that I’m jealous and unreasonable for demanding she jacks in her job and finds something new around here. She sneered that I’m small-time and out of my depth.
But how am I supposed to feel when I’ve been roundly done over for years?
Yes, I get it that business people do get lonely on long trips away. But her slip-ups weren’t sleazy one-night stands – they were established, part-time partners.
She still hasn’t promised to change her habits or ditch either of them.
JANE SAYS: It sounds as if your son and his ex had a nastier break-up than you’d realised.
If she is still hurt, then swearing at his mum might have made her feel a tiny bit better. I urge you to step back and accept they are finished for good and you’ll probably never hear the full story.
Of course it is sad you have lost a family friend but this is not about you; it’s about them.
I agree that it’s often bewildering when a relative’s relationship ends. You welcomed this lady into your home.You fed her and made her feel comfortable, yet you haven’t been allowed a “goodbye” and, therefore, closure.
Tell your son you’re sorry; you realise you acted inappropriately and move on. JANE SAYS: You’ve got to call time on this relationship before your partner strips you of all your confidence and self-worth.
You might be able to forgive one lonely indiscretion brought on by booze. But to discover that she has been regularly sleeping with two particular guys for five years takes things to a new level.
Don’t even think about trusting this woman for another second. Her problem is she is incapable of telling the truth or acting with any honour.
You only found out about her secret life through a third party.
Was she ever going to tell you the truth herself? Of course she wasn’t.
Now she is suggesting that you get over yourself and change the record without giving you any kind of apology or any assurances regarding the future.
I accept that this is an awkward and unhappy time for you. No-one likes to discover a lover is a cheat and a liar.
Of course you dread being on your own and starting again, but you cannot let this woman destroy you.
I fear she is using you to keep her home together.
No doubt she has spent five years believing she is very clever indeed.
Sadly for her, the truth has a habit of coming out in the end.