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MY whole world fell apart when I discovered that my girlfriend of six years was sleeping with my best mate.
She left me for him a year ago, but now they’ve broken up.
Yet that doesn’t stop her from still being awful towards me – even though I’ve never done anything to hurt her.
We both work in a large store, but she treats me like her sworn enemy.
She won’t deal with me if there’s a query with a customer and once nearly ran me over when I was coming out of the car park.
Colleagues warn me that she hates my guts. Why? How can you live with somebody for all that time and then pretend that you don’t know them?
I find this very confusing. I just think she could be nicer.
ONE night of madness and three-in-a-bed sex has ruined my life.
A few months ago I foolishly started a flirtation with a girl from work.
We went on a few secret dates and then had sex in a hotel.
Then, one Saturday evening, she invited me to her place for a party.
I told my long-term girlfriend that I was visiting a sick friend and hotfooted it round there.
The party was completely wild with a lot of drink, drugs and sex on offer. The guests were edgy and dangerous and several very attractive men and women hit on me.
Naked
At about midnight my colleague dragged me into a bedroom. She said that she had someone she wanted me to meet. Another girl grabbed the back of my neck and snogged my face off.
Between them they stripped me naked and threw me on the bed. We had a threesome – and someone else filmed it.
Now my girlfriend has seen the footage and thrown me out. I’m in pieces here. I feel such an idiot.
My girlfriend is an amazing person. She’s really attractive, successful and smart.
She trusted me when I lied about visiting a sick mate and now her sister has warned me that she can never forgive me.
I’m no longer living in her fantastic flat or being allowed to drive her company car. I’m back home with my parents who don’t want me there. They keep confirming that I’ve always been my own worst enemy. Thanks.
Now I’m playing the blame game. I blame myself and my colleague for spoiling everything.
I’ve tried ringing and texting my girl, but now her sister has warned me to keep away or things will get nasty.
All I want is for my life to be normal again. How can I possibly come back from this?
JANE SAYS: I accept that you are hurt by your ex-girlfriend’s behaviour.
You can’t understand why she’s acting like a stranger – but that’s the way it usually goes after a break-up.
The guy pulls in one direction and the girl pulls in another.
I suspect that your ex-girlfriend is embarrassed and feels very uncomfortable.
There could even be an element of selfloathing. After all, she cheated on you with your mate and still has to face you every day.
I really wouldn’t bother trying to fathom this situation out.
It’s all over and you don’t mean anything to each other any more. JANE SAYS: All you can do is take this on the chin and learn from your mistakes.
You crossed a line on that fateful night. You told a terrible lie and allowed yourself to be seduced by your colleague and her mate.
Maybe you feel they led you on, but you have to take full responsibility for your actions.
As a consequence you’ve lost your girlfriend and now feel absolutely horrible.
I can’t imagine your ex is ever going to want you back after this, so put the whole episode down to experience and vow to move on.
Something I do take issue with you is your protestation that a “moment of madness” has ruined your life. Really? My understanding is that your flirted with your colleague for a couple of months, then went drinking with her before having sex in a hotel.
It was actually after that betrayal that the filmed threesome took place. The fact is that there was a considerable build-up to your ultimate night of shame.
Maybe you need to examine what your definition of cheating actually is.
If you go into a future relationship and start flirting and sneaking around back alleys with other lovers, then you’ll be hurt and humiliated all over again.