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I RECENTLY went to a party with my new girlfriend.
We had a good night, but I was taken aback to hear a couple of her male friends openly discussing her former boyfriends and lively sex life.
They were crude and suggestive and I was uncomfortable.
On the way home I mentioned this and she flipped. She accused me of being a control freak.
It was nothing like that. All I said was that I felt shocked and embarrassed by the intimate nature of their remarks.
Now she’s totally ignoring me although we haven’t officially broken up. How do I win her back or do I accept it’s over?
I FEAR my female mate is being conned.
She’s become obsessed with a man who seems too good to be true.
Apparently he’s charming, sensitive and kind.
The only problem is that she is not actually met him face to face. She’s shown me a picture but nothing adds up.
The story is that this chap is European and works for a powerful government. Therefore, he is paranoid about his security. He doesn’t trust phones, so they communicate via emails and texts.
She’s never even heard his voice yet in the few months they’ve been in communication she’s sent him money for his daughter’s school fees, his aunt’s operation and essential dental work.
Lust
Now he’s asked her to fly out to Amsterdam to help him choose her a diamond engagement ring.
I just don’t believe a word of it. I worry he’s going to use her as a drugs mule or money launderer.
She claims he is rich but that his money is mostly tied up in long-term investments.
I’ve hinted several times that her man could actually be a confidence trickster but she won’t have any of it.
The other day we had a huge row during which she accused me of being jealous of her new partner, of always wanting to spoil her happiness and being smug and judgmental.
It’s not like that at all but I’m not the one being blinded by lust.
She’s confessed that a lot of their exchanges are of a deeply sexual nature. I fear she’s being taken advantage of and that makes me very angry.
I long to protect her but fear she’s told him about me and she’s beginning to push me away.
JANE SAYS: Sadly, it appears you got off on the wrong foot – and I can’t see this situation being fixed.
Naturally, you were bemused and insulted when you heard her male friends discussing her past lovers.
But if she’s known these guys a long time, then clearly this kind of banter is normal.
She didn’t like you criticising her mates, so she blew a fuse and accused you of being a control freak when you commented on it.
I think you were fully entitled to speak your mind. If she wants to see you again then, presumably, she knows where to find you.
At that point you can have a conversation about where you’re both coming from.
However, if you don’t hear from her again, then chalk this one down to experience and move on. JANE SAYS: Sadly, many vulnerable people are exploited by unscrupulous con artists who use every trick in the book to woo and then fleece them.
I very much doubt that this chap exists either. There is probably a guy on a laptop somewhere who is conning several women at the same time. The sad truth is that your friend is deluded and is chasing a ghost.
Left to his own devices this scammer won’t stop until he has stolen every penny she has.
She’s now invested so much in this dream – from her cash to her credibility – that, I suspect, her pride won’t allow her to admit that something stinks.
If she won’t listen to you, then is there someone else you could ask to speak to her? A lawyer friend? Policeman? GP? Someone she’ll listen to and respect?
The reality is that she’s the victim here and she needs to be protected. She can’t possibly believe that she’s going to become engaged to a man she has not even spoken to.
Tell her that you realise that she’s embarrassed because she’s in way over her head but beg her to wake up.
Ultimately, she has got to end this charade and report this villain to the authorities.
After that, do your best to support her and help her put her life back together again and find genuine love in the future. You are not the enemy here.