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I SUSPECT my new boyfriend secretly subscribes to the “treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen” school of seduction.
We started dating in February but he often goes for ages without contacting me and is then uncaring when I complain.
My best friend has always dated badboys and I thought I could handle one of my own, but I’m way out of my depth here.
I suspect he sleeps with other people behind my back, which breaks my heart and makes me feel like trash.
I’m finding him hard to handle and sex is always a battlefield, with him wanting more than I can give – and me often left feeling dirty and demeaned.
How can I tame and control him?
I JUST can’t stop having sex with my mate’s sexy mum – she’s like a drug to me.
I know that what we’re doing is wrong, but her touch is so addictive.
She’s 30 years my senior but looks amazing. Not only does she teach yoga, but she’s a part-time model too. She works in a local health club and has younger guys falling at her feet all the time.
Her last serious partner was only five years older than me (I’m 24) and I know there are several other gym bunnies sniffing around her.
My mate is very protective of her after his dad walked out in 2010. He doesn’t actually like her dating anyone and would rather she stayed at home knitting all day, which isn’t her style at all.
Secret
He’d hit the roof (and me) if he knew my secret – that I regularly make out with her in her bed and that she calls me darling.
Luckily he works away a lot, so I’m able to nip round to their place for all the sex I can handle.
She can twist herself into all sorts of delicious shapes and I invariably flake out before she’s done with me. Love-making with her is experimental, intense and mind-blowing. She’s keen to teach me tantric sex soon, which I’m more than up for.
Sometimes I worry that I’ve fallen too hard for her and I want more than she’s willing – or able – to give. She laughs when I tell her that I dream of holding her in my arms every night. I describe the kind of house I’d like us to live in and the little kids we could have by a surrogate or through adoption.
She teases that I ultimately need to get out and meet a girl of my own age, but I honestly don’t want that. What vodka-guzzling female of my age is going to ever match up to her wit, fire and beautifullytoned body?
JANE SAYS: Forget any notion of taming or controlling, admit defeat and move on.
You have to get away from this complicated man before he breaks your spirit totally and leaves you on the floor.
No-one needs this kind of game player in their lives. He may think he’s sharp and macho, but he’s so wrong for you it’s just not true.
What about love? Mutual respect? And common decency? You need to accept that you made a mistake in copying your friend and find someone you feel comfortable with.
Find the strength to break away and reclaim your self-respect.
Will he be upset? I doubt if he’ll even notice you have gone before moving on to his next conquest. JANE SAYS: You’re living on borrowed time.
Sooner or later your buddy will find out about your secret assignations with his mother. I’m not suggesting for one minute that he controls her or that she’s not allowed to do exactly what she likes, but there will inevitably be fallout from this affair.
With physical sex invariably comes emotion and you can’t blame yourself for falling in love with her. You’re not a robot and if she’s attractive and fun, then of course you can imagine yourself staying with her for ever.
But her son isn’t necessarily going to like your presence or approve of your love, because you’re someone he trusts to keep his distance. I understand that you probably don’t want to frighten her off, but do I think you need to go back to her and explain that your feelings are genuine and strong.
Do you and she need to speak to your mate (her son) together in order to tell him that you’re a committed couple?
Does he need to have it explained to him that there are about to be some changes in her life?
However, if she laughs at this suggestion and you begin to get the feeling that she’s messing with you, then you need to start protecting yourself.