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I’M still scarred by my terrible childhood.
My mother was a selfish witch and my father was so self-obsessed that he would have eaten himself if he’d been made of chocolate.
They never bothered to properly feed, love or clothe me.
If it wasn’t for my aunt and, later, some kindly neighbours, I think I would have ended up on the streets.
As it was, the couple across the road took me in after my aunt died in 1996 and gave me everything I needed.
Today I’m a proud, successful woman, but I can’t forget my terrible early days.
Cruel
Even though my husband is fantastic and my friends are supportive and fun, I’m always sad and scared under the surface.
I lost touch with my father years ago, but my mum is still alive.
She contacts me from time to time, but I can’t have any kind of relationship with her because she was cruel, vicious and vindictive as a younger woman.
I always felt she got pleasure out of making the little me cry.
Once she burned all my toys on a big bonfire when I refused to tell her that I loved her. I could only have been about five.
The last time we spoke, about nine months ago, I asked her never to contact me again. But I’ve just had another text asking for money, which has brought all the old hurt flooding back.
I suppose what I’m looking for is closure and peace, but I can’t find it. How do I stop my mind from whirling so fast that I can finally calm down and live in the moment?
My husband is a good man who says he understands the trauma I’m going through, but the reality is that the poor thing has absolutely no idea.
JANE SAYS: There’s no getting away from the fact that you had a very tough start in life, but you cannot let your terrible childhood drag you down or define you.
So if you cannot lay the past to rest by yourself, you must start to think about getting some professional help.
I urge you to speak to a trained counsellor about making sense of what happened to you so that you can finally let it all go. Arrange to visit your GP and find out what help is available to you.
You might also wish to check out the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) at itsgoodtotalk.org.uk
Keep your husband in the loop about what you’re doing so that he understands that you’re going through a tricky time right now. I get angry when people bleat that children are resilient and “bounce back” from difficult circumstances. I vehemently disagree. Children damage very easily.
Anyone who has suffered an unhappy experience needs to be nurtured, consoled and heard.
As for your mother, if you really don’t want any more to do with her, then don’t feel the slightest bit guilty about cutting her out of your life for good.
Nothing gives her the right to bother you for money or attention now. She may have given birth to you, but she has never earned your loyalty or your love.