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I GOT a message warning me that my new boyfriend is turned on by much older women.
I showed the message to my bloke and he claimed it was the work of his bitter ex-girlfriend and I was to ignore it.
But since then I’ve caught him looking at weird granny porn several times and now I don’t know if I like him any more.
The other day we had a row and he said that he can’t explain his fetish.
Apparently he’s always fancied older women on TV. He lost his virginity at 17 to a woman of 42 and some of his ex-lovers have been 40 years older than him.
He insists he loves me and this takes nothing away from our relationship.
Should I be shocked or disgusted?
MY edgy new girlfriend is gagging for sex with other partners.
She’s always nagging me to bring round mates, cousins or work colleagues for threesomes and orgies.
She’s also got her eye on several neighbours who she’s convinced are swingers.
We can see that some of them have hot tubs in their back gardens and tall grasses in the front, which she’s convinced are signs.
She’s an amazing girl and the time we spend together is fantastic, but I worry that she’s too outrageous for me.
I’ve hinted repeatedly that I’ve got no interest in having sex with other people, but everything I say seems to fall on deaf ears.
Naked
She says she loves me dearly, but always needs to feel challenged, excited and naughty too.
I’ve lived in this house for seven years (she’s just moved in) and I think she’s right about the swinging because I’ve been to several parties where weird stuff has gone down.
One summer I watched a dozen people strip naked and dive into the bloke over the back’s pool.
Then they started grabbing and screaming and making out. Then, last Christmas, there was a bit of an incident at a house party where a number of people let themselves into the master bedroom and, I believe, certain pictures were taken.
But just because others are experimental, doesn’t mean that it’s for me. It’s a bit strange around here. On the outside it’s all thatched cottages and twee tearooms, but there’s a seething undercurrent of passion which my new girl is keen to tap into.
Obviously, I don’t want her to think I’m a boring, stick-in-themud. We’ve only been together since August and I’m aware she’s a lot more wacky than I am.
How do I balance this so that I retain my dignity and my girl?
JANE SAYS: If your boyfriend is genuinely more attracted to older women, then what’s he doing with you?
That’s who he should be with. I fear that he’s currently using you to protect his image and give himself respectability within his family and work colleagues – and that’s not right.
There’s nothing wrong with fancying older women – plenty of people do – but it’s the underhand way he’s conducting himself that is unfair.
Tell him that you’re done with him and he can ogle as many octogenarians as he likes – as a single man.
The problem is that you’re not what he’s looking for in a woman and you’re wasting your life by hanging around. JANE SAYS: You have to stay strong and your excitable girlfriend has to understand that “no” definitely means “no”. I’m sure she is absolutely delighted with your chocolate box village – it all sounds very Midsomer Murders – but if you’re not into swinging or group sex then you don’t have to justify yourself to anyone.
I urge you to tell her that you won’t be manipulated or cajoled because you’re your own person.
I get the impression that she’s rather giddy and getting carried away with herself.
Does she actually love and respect you, or is she more taken with your neighbours and surroundings? I get the impression that she’s a thrillseeker, which is absolutely fine as long as you’re both singing off the same hymn sheet.
If you are starting to feel that you’re simply her stepping stone to a more outrageous and riskier life, then is she really a keeper?
Is she someone you can seriously contemplate living the rest of your life with? I have my doubts.
Level with her today. Emphasise your likes and limits and see how she reacts.
Sadly, if she continues to push you, then you’ll have to show her the (rose-covered) door.