N_p [`[ @ [ldg cfm\ f] dp c`]\6
?`ggpËj ^f`e^ `k Xcfe\ =FFC@J? D@JK8B< :FJK D< Ki\Xk\[ aljk c`b\ X jcXm\
MY partner is turning into a hippy. He’s stopped shaving and has let his hair grow.
He’s wearing floppy clothes and hasn’t been going to work.
I get it that the sudden death of his mother has knocked him for six. She was only 62 and shouldn’t have gone so soon.
But I’m struggling to cope with his new attitude. He wants to leave his well-paid job and go travelling alone. He’s talking about a three-year trot round the globe.
Getting any kind of sense out of him is almost impossible.
How do I say “no” to his grand tour idea when he’s hardly listening to me?
THE woman I love is the most beautiful, kind and clever person on earth.
So why did I dump her in December for no good reason?
Why did I tell her that I no longer loved her when I still worship the ground she walks on?
I have to be the biggest loser ever. Now she is out with her friends all the time. She’s all over social media having a ball and I’m here licking my wounds.
We were together for four years and now she won’t take my calls.
I have made the worst mistake of my life.
She was the best thing that had ever happened to me.
Ranted
She had a great body and our sex life was phenomenal.
She and I clicked in every way and we never went off the boil, pleasuring and satisfying each other right up to the last night.
The next day I had a row with my dad over money, my boss hacked me off with a “special project” and my mates let me down, so I just took everything out on my girl.
She turned up at my work to meet me for a drink and I ranted that I needed to be single and she took me at my word.
The next day she sent me a text asking if I’d like to meet up and I snapped back: “No.”
Now I’ve finally woken up and I realise that I’ve lost a great girl.
We used to have an amazing time together. She was kind, generous and funny. No-one has ever “got” me like she does.
I’ve turned up at her work a few times, but her boss has said that if I hang about in the reception again then he will call the police.
How do I convince her that I want to try again when I can’t even get close enough to her to tell her that I’m sorry?
JANE SAYS: Grief affects people in different ways.
It sounds as if your man is determined to change everything about his life after his mother’s untimely death.
You talk about telling him “no” but do you really have that power or authority? Is he actually asking you if he can go travelling? Or is he telling you? There’s a big difference.
I suggest you back off and leave him to do whatever he wants. It could be that he’ll calm down soon and this three-year trip will seem a silly or extreme one.
Alternatively, he may just go and you’ll be left to live your own life on your own terms.
Whatever happens, you cannot allow him to drag you down. Encourage him to speak to his GP or contact the charity Cruse (cruse.org.uk) regarding his grief. Give him all the comfort and love you can but don’t try to control him because he is an individual and at a crossroads. JANE SAYS: If you harass your exgirlfriend again by turning up at her work or sending her texts or emails, then I’m in no doubt she, or one of her circle, will carry out their threat and call the police.
Unfortunately, you overplayed your hand on that fateful day in December. You were frustrated with family, friends and your boss and you took that frustration out on the person closest to you – your lovely ex-girlfriend.
The next day she tried to reach out to you again, but you cut her down. Now she’s decided to live her own life on her own terms.
Now the relationship is over and you realise your mistake, but it’s all too little, too late.
I accept that you were under pressure, but that’s no excuse. I suspect you upset and confused your girl on that final day.
She witnessed a different side to you – one she did not like. Learn from this episode and go and seek professional help if you are ever struggling to cope again.
I don’t wish to build up your hopes, but it could be she’ll come back to you once she’s calmed down and thought it through.
But you have to wait for her to do that. You cannot make any more approaches.
Don’t waste your life by waiting for ever.
If you have not heard from her again in a couple weeks, then you have to make your own plans and start learning to live the life of a single man.