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I’M desperate for companionship and I long to be loved.
Therefore I can’t understand why internet dating isn’t working for me.
In the past few months I’ve met up with a dozen blokes and none has asked to see me again.
I was very careful when I compiled my profile. I spelt out exactly what I look for in a man.
I specified that I’m looking for someone quiet, thoughtful and intelligent like me.
But finding long-term love is proving impossible.
I don’t think I’m an unattractive or unreasonable woman, so what may be the problem?
MY casual lover wants more than I can give.
He doesn’t get it that I only want fun, sex and laughs. I’m not interested in a serious, exclusive relationship.
I want to be free to see whoever I like. Breaking up with my controlling ex-partner in 2016 was the best thing I ever did.
I’d endured years of his rules and regulations. I’d grown sick of his hatred for my friends and family and his unreasonableness.
From hiding the car keys so I couldn’t drive to withholding money, he would try every trick in the book to keep me down.
The day I finally walked away from him I vowed to myself never to get caught up with a control freak again.
Space
But that’s just what my new bloke is turning into. I’ve told him time and time again that I need my freedom and my space.
But he sulks if I don’t call him straight back and gives me a hard time for going out with my mates.
How do I always end up with the “cling-ons”? What is it about me that makes fellas want to own me?
On a good day he can be fine. We go for nice meals and our sex life is varied and exciting, but he’s not everything to me.
When we first got together I explained to him that I wanted to keep things light.
He said that he was cool with that. Nights out in crazy bars and clubs followed and I thought he was great. But, during a minibreak in Lanzarote, he flipped out when I chatted to another bloke while ordering drinks.
He accused me of flirting and arranging to meet him later for sex. I told him he was wrong and he stormed off taking our room key with him.
I had to travel back to the hotel on my own and bribe the receptionist to let me in.
The flight home was horrendous with him totally ignoring me except to call me a “tart” every now and then.
Now he’s mounting a charm offensive, but I’m living in fear of his next jealous outburst. Why can’t he just chill?
JANE SAYS: You use the word “desperate”. Could it be that you come across as too desperate and needy on your initial dates?
I’m playing devil’s advocate here and asking the question.
Vow not to give too much of yourself away in future. Be upbeat and open-minded and see what develops.
My niggle with internet dating is that we often seek out people just like us.
How many noisy men do you know who are wed to quiet women?
On paper none of those relationships should work, but they do – and the individuals concerned are very settled and happy.
If the problem is that you’ve dated men who are a mirror image of you, then maybe you need to review your profile to find that spark. Either that or accept that internet dating isn’t for you and join a few clubs instead. JANE SAYS: Clearly you’re a very bubbly, popular woman who people want to spend time with.
You have a wide circle of friends and don’t have any problem in attracting partners.
But sadly, you always seem to attract the same sort of partner – the insecure, jealous type.
Your ex was a nightmare and now your current squeeze is shaping up to be a pain too.
Clearly he’s trying to force you into committing yourself to him. The tricks and tantrums are his clumsy attempts at breaking you down.
But if you don’t truly love him and can’t imagine yourself living with him full-time, then you have to tell him “no thanks” and claim back your independence.
The fact is that you owe him nothing. He knew the score from the very start.
Now he’s seriously overplaying his hand and you can’t have any of it. I’m afraid that if you spend any more time in his company, then you’ll start to feel your selfconfidence crumbling away.