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MY partner is so small-minded he’d rather throw away good food than give my family anything.
He and my 61-yearold aunt work in the same building, but he refuses to give her a lift home even though she’s offered to pay for petrol.
Yet I’m expected to treat his precious sisters like little princesses.
Whenever he announces they’re coming over, I’m forced to get in the booze and spend a fortune on their favourite foods.
My parents aren’t allowed to visit because he once tried to charge them £20 each for Christmas lunch and my mum told him to stuff it.
How do I make him nicer?
HOW long do I keep having to say thank you?
I’m the first to admit that I owe my mate a huge debt of gratitude. It was he who finally chased my violent exboyfriend away.
It was he who helped me clear up my house and lent me money for my bills. If it wasn’t for his kindness, hard work and generosity during 2014, the worst year of my life, then I’d be in the gutter right now.
But I have to question how long I’m expected to be grateful to him. I’ve paid back every penny I owed him, but I’m still grovelling.
He comes into my house every day for cups of tea, bottles of beer and occasional meals.
He switches on my TV, helps himself to my biscuits and bosses me around.
Sink
Despite being married himself, he hates it when I have boyfriends. A few weekends ago I met a guy at a party who ended up sleeping back here with me.
We had a brilliant time together. He was really exciting and funny and the sex was great.
But the next morning we could hear banging and crashing in my kitchen. It was my mate taking my kitchen sink apart.
He’d obviously seen my lover’s car outside and had decided to choose that exact moment to fix my dripping tap.
I was furious. It was 8am on a Sunday morning. I went down to ask him to leave it and he turned on me with such venom that I shot backwards. He said I was an ungrateful tart who ought to be ashamed of herself.
He was bitter and jealous and he frightened me. My lover came down and said: “Too heavy for me.” And he hasn’t contacted me again since.
How dare my mate attempt to control me? How long do I have to keep on paying him back?
JANE SAYS: Does he even know what nice is? He’s totally in awe of his own sisters, but treats your side of the family like dirt.
If he’s difficult most of the time then your life must be awful. From his small-mindedness concerning your family to his demands that his siblings are treated like honoured guests, he sounds plain nasty.
When was the last time he told you he loves you?
Make plans to move on before he crushes your spirit forever.
I can’t imagine your family or friends have a good word to say about him, so turn to them for strength and support in finding a new place to live.
Do it now before your life becomes even more intolerable.
The problem is that he’s only going to get worse with age. JANE SAYS: This has gone way too far. You need to stand up for yourself before your friend swallows you whole.
This guy isn’t daft. He knows if he turns up on your doorstep then he’ll get food and drink because you still feel beholden to him.
What you’ve now got to do is draw a line under the past. You have to sit down and calmly explain how genuinely grateful you are for everything he’s done.
Without his help you would have lost everything and you can’t thank him enough for his kindness and patience, but now you need to get on with your life.
You must be free to come and go as you please without feeling guilty or looking over your shoulder. Does he understand what you’re saying? Surely his wife can’t approve of him constantly popping into your place either.
However, if he refuses to accept your reasoning and actually becomes difficult himself, then you’ll have to get tough.
Warn him you may have been vulnerable in the past, but you’re no pushover now.
You will contact the police or a solicitor if you have to. You don’t want to make an enemy of anyone, but you are an individual and your privacy is important.
Maybe you should think about a move so that you can put down roots and start again?