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WHEN my friend ditched her bloke I jumped straight in.
I’ve been obsessed with him since school. I went round to see him and offered myself on a plate.
He threw me on the couch and we had the most amazing afternoon of sex in every position imaginable. At one point he whipped out his phone and filmed me pleasuring myself for the camera.
The next day he said I could stay as long as I cleared out all the stuff she’d left behind. So I spent ages filling black bags with the contents of the bedroom and bathroom. Then I ordered a taxi and dumped the lot on her mother’s doorstep.
Now it’s eight weeks on and I’m being dumped myself. My bloke has decided he’s getting back with her and I’ve got to PRESS 1 for GENERAL COUNSELLING for all personal and relationship difficulties PRESS 2 for SEXUAL GUIDANCE for all men’s and women’s intimate problems leave. I’m devastated. He used me for sex and as an unpaid house clearer. How do I persuade him I’m all he’ll ever need?
JANE SAYS: Oh dear. What’s the old saying? What goes around comes around?
You wasted no time in getting your feet under your lover’s duvet. Now the dust has settled and you find yourself the hairiest gooseberry in town. Yes, he did use you to clear out his ex-partner’s stuff, but you did everything quite willingly to ensnare him.
Now he’s decided you’re not the one for him after all and your mate is back in the frame. You can’t go around stabbing good friends in the back.
I suggest you bow out gracefully with some dignity and don’t pull this kind of stunt again. Also, make sure he doesn’t do anything silly with that footage.