THE car world seems to be split into lots of different groups, though not simply with opposing ideas.
First off, there are those who mostly care about things like speed, handling and horsepower.
Thing is, though, this then splits again into people who drive like nutters and those who just like to have it available “in case I need it”.
Anyway, that’s one group. Personally, I think that to join this lot you should live in a desert because the chances of driving anywhere else with freedom are as remote as a well-spoken dog.
Another bunch is the people who say: “I don’t care what it looks like provided it gets me from A to B.” Usually they are skint and it’s an anti-snob attitude. Fair enough.
There are fans of little cars, flash cars, limos, classics and even Volvos, but they all pale into minor bands compared to the latest trend-setters.
These are the people who buy SUVs, the fastest growing car sector by a country mile.
So what’s the biggest attraction for today’s buyers? Kia hit the nail on the head when it said that it’s all about looks now. Forget everything
else, get the looks right and your car will sell, sell, sell. That’s why the Kia Sportage is Britain’s most popular SUV.
Citroën, in the form of their luxury car brand DS, haven’t yet admitted it, but you’ve only got to look at the DS 7 Crossback to see what it’s all about. First off, it’s huge and finds itself in a market dominated by the
Merc GLC, BMW X3 and Audi Q5. All are sufficiently large and expensive enough to feed the egos of the people who buy them but DS is muscling in on the act with a car that’s just as big, outrageously ornate and cheaper.
Will it sell? Well, if looks are as vital as Kia says we should soon see lots of them. Forget all that stuff about it not being up there with the opposition when it comes to speed and handling. It simply does not matter a cent. You’d have to put the DS 7 through some kind of computer check to establish any difference between the way it rides and its competition. It’s fine. Now let’s look at what really counts. On the outside it’s stunningly beautiful. Even its four main lights have little DS badges etched into them.
Then there’s the interior. Only the French could come up with its over-thetop design.
Its superbly comfortable leather seats are separated into an incredible 48 silver stitched sections, the flat bottomed steering wheel gets more stitching, twin banks of window switches on each side of the gear lever remind you of a Porsche Panamera, knurled silver and black roller switches for the radio, trip computer and five driving modes.
The dashboard is filled by two giant screens for digital displays of all the functions described in its 272-page English handbook.
Even the door pockets are lined in cloth to make sure nothing rolls about annoyingly and the clock which folds out of the dashboard on start-up is a work of art.
There’s a fake boot floor that clicks into an upright position to create another five inches of loading space.
Normally three feet deep, I converted it into six simply by pulling on the handles at the sides.
That was when I collected a restored table and chairs from a local business.
Did I damage any of the DS 7 interior? Did I hell, because I covered it all in cloth first.
It’s far too posh to risk scratching any of it. Definitely stylish with 30-inch wide tail lights each set in a pattern of 20 diamond shapes that stretch towards the DS badge. Shame it’s spoiled by fake twin exhausts which are actually filled in with black plastic. Touch screen sat nav with speed camera warnings, adaptive cruise control, front and rear parking sensors, with rear parking camera, trip computer, twin-zone climate control, keyless entry and start, leather heated and cooled electric front seats with memory and massage function, dimming auto lights and wipers, electric heated door mirrors, electric tailgate, DAB stereo with Bluetooth, USB and Mirror Screen, smartphone charging tray.
TASTY TOUCHES: Huge centre console big enough for a full-size drinks bottle.
NAUGHTY NIGGLES: All that size and kit yet the glove box, despite being cooled, isn’t even big enough for the handbook. No shopping bag hooks in the boot.
FAST OR LAST: Handles well even at speed and is surprisingly quick from the lights.
WONGA WONDER: Citroën’s luxury brand takes on far more expensive cars for a lot less money.
WOULD CHANTELLE LIKE IT? Chantelle would delight in the opulence of a DS 7, if not its sheer size.