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HOW do I get rid of a lover who won’t go?
Twice now I’ve asked my bloke to pack his things and find somewhere new to live.
Twice he’s sweet-talked me into letting him stay a little bit longer.
I no longer love him. I no longer even like him. Getting home from work and finding him barefoot and in his underpants in the kitchen makes my blood pressure soar sky high.
He keeps trying to be friendly towards me. He jokes that we’re more like flatmates now and calls us the Odd Couple, but the only odd thing about our arrangement is that he’s still here.
Quits
We stopped having sex last October and ceased hanging out together as a couple in the New Year. Things came to a head when I discovered he’d been seeing an old pal of mine behind my back.
I retaliated by sleeping with his brother. I told him that made us quits and that we were finished.
He actually agreed that we had nothing more to offer each other and moved his stuff into the front room, where he now sleeps.
I stupidly assumed he’d start looking for his own place, only it hasn’t happened.
These days I do my thing and he does his, but he’s still around using my bathroom and invading my space.
Yes, he does contribute to the rent, but if I wanted a paying lodger it wouldn’t be him.
Friends urge me to chuck his gear out, but how can I? I’m not exactly scared of him but I do worry about how he’ll react if I do something audacious.
I have seen him get very angry with other people in the past, especially when he’s had a drink.
My sister calls me a wimp and says I have to take control. But it’s difficult when he’s become something of an immovable lump. JANE SAYS: Visit your nearest branch of Citizens Advice or a local solicitor, if you can afford the fees.
I agree that physically throwing your ex-partner’s stuff out of the window isn’t the way to go. Not only would it be childish and unkind, but you may find that your man has certain rights.
If he has his own front door key and has been paying rent, then you have to establish where you and he stand. It’s important to be absolutely sure of your position.
The last thing you want is for things to get really nasty and end up in some kind of legal battle.
Hopefully things won’t come to that, but protecting yourself has to be a priority especially, as you suggest he can be tricky.
That said, if he ever genuinely frightens you or crosses a line, then you must call the police right away for your own safety.
Ultimately, he has to understand that the relationship is over and a brother-and-sister arrangement isn’t what you’re interested in.
There’s no getting away from the fact that finding new accommodation is difficult and expensive, but other people manage to find a bed so he must too.
Just make sure that you do everything by the book so that he has no way of tripping you up down the line.
Get your family and friends to support you.