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MY brother-in-law made my mum’s funeral all about him.

Not only did he carry the coffin, do all the readings and sing a solo in church, but he gave a long-winded speech about himself at the wake.

My husband and I sat there agog as he used my mum’s death as an excuse to talk about his feelings, his loss and his life. My sister (his wife) was mortified, especially as Mum couldn’t stand him.

Now my father is dying in a care home and I’ve told my sister her husband isn’t taking over his inevitable funeral.

This is causing a rift between us because she’s terrified of him.

I’m not. How long do I give her before I wade in and let rip?

JANE SAYS: Don’t waste any more time.

You can’t allow your brother-in-law to take centre stage again.

He has to have it spelt out to him that you will not tolerate another one-man show. His wife may be in awe of him but you’re certainly not.

Get on now with making appropriate plans regarding your sick father.

Just make sure you have the funeral you all want and that the priest or celebrant or whoever knows that you’re in charge.

On the day itself, maybe you’ll have to have a quick word in your brother-in-law’s ear warning him that you will stand up and intervene if he dares to pull a stunt like that again.

And make it clear that all the other family members who were as incensed as you will do the same.