I’M convinced our flatmate spies on us when we have sex.
He’s a couple of years older and works from home. There’s no lock on our bedroom door and he could easily have placed a secret camera somewhere.
My boyfriend says I am imagining things, but my instinct is telling me that this creep is up to something.
For starters, he always has a smug half-smile on his face whenever he speaks to me. It feels as though he’s undressing me with his eyes.
Recently I was in the kitchen, taking my smalls out of the washing machine, when I heard him mutter something about “loving that red bra”.
I swung round and said: “What do you mean?” He just looked at me and laughed.
I felt a chill run right down my spine, especially as I’m sure a black balcony bra and pair of crotchless briefs of mine have gone missing.
Sometimes I arrive home from work early and get the impression that someone has been touching my stuff or sleeping on our bed.
I’m fastidious about shaking out the duvet each morning, yet it often looks crumbled and messy.
Then I’m embarrassed about having sex with my boyfriend because I feel anxious and dirty.
It’s got to the point where I won’t go naked and will only have sex under the covers with all the lights out – and that’s not right, is it? The other night my boyfriend and I were discussing holding a party when he goes away to visit his mother at Easter.
The next day he cornered me and said: “You’re not thinking about having a party, are you? You know it’s against the landlord’s rules.” How did he know?
My boyfriend says not to make a fuss because it’s a great flat and the rent is cheap. The landlord is actually good at leaving us alone and fixing things – but what about my peace of mind?
JANE SAYS: It sounds to me as if your landlord needs to fix this other tenant too. If he really is going into your room, touching your stuff and generally freaking you out, then you can’t keep quiet.
You have to trust your instincts and insist the landlord – and your boyfriend – take you seriously.
Tell your boyfriend everything that’s happened so far. Make it absolutely clear to him how violated and uncomfortable you are now feeling.
If he won’t support you, then turn to a close friend or family member who will. Do you need to organise a clean sweep of your room? The fact is that you are entitled to feel relaxed and safe in your own home.
If it turns out the place is being turned over while you’re at work and that your flatmate is spying on you, that’s a serious matter.
The landlord will need to act and inform the police. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are paranoid.
You might also question whether your boyfriend values a cheap flat over your happiness.
You need to remind him that he’s supposed to have your back.
It’s also imperative that you get a lock on that bedroom door before you do anything else.