Sister is so cruel to mum
Kiss
He drunkenly went to kiss me on the cheek and got me on the lips instead. His beery breath was disgusting and I nearly puked.
I told my mate her standards had dropped through the floor and stormed off. I kept away from him after that.
We only started speaking properly last year when his mum died and I genuinely felt sorry for the bloke. My mum tragically died in 2015, so I knew what he was going through.
I gave him my number and told him to call me if he ever wanted to chat. We did talk about three times before he suddenly turned up at my door with a bottle of gin in one hand and packet of condoms in the other. I dragged him in by the throat and had him right there on my stairs.
The sex was angry and hot and went on for days until my mate returned from her job in Spain. Now I’m conflicted and numb.
She still thinks I hate him. What kind of filthy monster am I?
He’s texting me all the time wanting to know when we can sleep together again. He says he’ll dump her on my say-so, but I don’t even know if I fancy him.
JANE speak
SAYS: You need to to your secret lover and tell him it’s over. If you don’t like, fancy or respect him, what is this all about?
Your poor friend deserves better. While she was away you were romping your way through her flat and behaving like a couple of idiots.
Warn him you both need to speak to her individually.
Does he want to go or will you?
He needs to understand you have both acted appallingly and you now regret letting your friend down.
When you’re ready, call her. Tell her you need to meet and have a chat. If her bloke does first get in before you, then be prepared for her fury.
Ask if you can start again. It’s very possible she’ll insist you clear off and leave her alone, in which case give her all the time and the space she needs.
As for her bloke, make it clear to him that you have no future together.
Tell him to stop texting you because you loathe what you’ve done. It could be that you were brought together by your joint experiences of grief but you and he now need to seek grief counselling, not each other. MY sister is so lazy and mean she relies on our elderly mother to feed, clothe and care for her four children.
They go round to mum’s house every night from secondary school, often staying over too.
My sister pleases herself. She has plenty of money and expensive tastes.
But on Sundays and at Christmas she “forgets” to buy food and rocks up at 1pm expecting to be fed.
Mum has limited funds and isn’t well.
JANE SAYS: I suspect your mother is concerned about her grandchildren being neglected.
That’s why she’s so hands-on. If reasoning with your sister isn’t an option, can you beg your mum to take more care of herself?
The children are at secondary school and could easily help out with shopping, food preparation and washing up.
Tell your mum she doesn’t have to do everything. She is entitled to ask your sister for cash and to start saying “no”.
Make sure she knows she can rely on you for support.
Your sister may never change, but the children won’t be young and dependent for ever.