Why should I not call in on my ex?
AFRAID FOR HER SAFETY
I CAN’T stop about my ex.
I have to know that she’s safe and happy but she gets annoyed when I ring her or drop round.
We broke up in February 2018 after she went off with someone else. I warned her he was bad news but she wouldn’t listen.
She fell hard, even though he was married with children from various women.
My ex borrowed money from her mother and rented a flat for them to live in. For a while he was attentive and fun but then he started getting possessive. worrying
Violent
He accused her of having an affair with her boss and became violent. One night she came to me in tears – he’d smashed the flat and locked her in the bathroom. She was terrified and escaped by climbing out of the tiny window.
She cut herself and hurt her leg landing on the paving and I spent six hours with her in A&E. She stayed with me for a week (bliss), but he started calling and she crept back to him while I was out.
A couple of months later she called me in hysterics – he’d slashed the tyres on her car and stolen all of her money. I drove to pick her up and he threatened me with a wrench. The police were called, as I was genuinely terrified for her safety and mine.
Last March he disappeared without trace. She’s not seen or heard from him since. She says she’s relieved but I still fear she’s vulnerable. What if he comes back and hurts her all over again?
I accept she and I won’t ever be a couple again, but I’m allowed to watch out for her as a friend, aren’t I?
Why can’t she see that I simply have her best interests at heart?
JANE SAYS: The reality is you would like your ex to come back to you. You describe the week after the bathroom incident as “bliss” as you were so happy to have her back under your roof.
You loved caring for her. Now you have to accept she’s her own person and needs to be free.
It’s puzzling that her violent ex has disappeared. Maybe he’s in prison or running from some other people?
I suspect you can’t work out why she’d rather be on her own than back in with you, but that’s her decision.
If her horrible ex reappears, she’ll have to deal with him in her own way.
She’s not asking for help. You are in serious danger of harassing her if you keep stalking around. You could find yourself in hot water if she turns round and reports you to the police.
I know it’s hard to step back, because you care for her, but she’s not the person you fell in love with.
She’s moved on. You may not understand or approve of the choices she’s made, but it’s not for you to question.
Consign her to history and from now on concentrate on your own future.
Compile a wishlist start living your life. and I GET the impression my girlfriend’s family are laughing at me.
They have a lot of private sayings and in-jokes they use when I’m around.
I’m not stupid and can tell when I’m being talked about.
She claims they are mischievous and mean no harm, but I don’t believe the parents think I’m good enough for her.
They call me by a vaguely insulting nickname and say things like: “Oh, not you again” when I pick her up. Her brother once called me a loser. How do I gain respect?
JANE SAYS: If your girlfriend has any respect for you, she would speak to her family members and tell them to pack it in. How dare they insult you with their silly snipes?
Level with her and tell her you’re not amused and need things to change.
If they carry on, you will have to review this relationship. You can’t be in a situation where you’re treated like a joke.
Pull yourself up to your full height and ask your girlfriend how she’d feel if your family insulted her. Loyalty counts for something and you’re struggling to understand where she’s coming from.