Hurt by cruel jibes of my grieving girl
SHE WILL NOT LET ME HELP
SEPTEMBER was a terrible month for my girlfriend’s family – and me.
Her cousin died having battled drug addiction and poor mental and physical health for years.
Even the woman’s own mother admitted at the funeral that her passing was probably for the best as she was in so much pain and in such turmoil.
My girlfriend and her cousin were very close. They grew up together and I think my girl blames herself for the death. She keeps saying that she should have done more to save her “soul sister”.
Yet when I try and say there was nothing anyone could have done for her cousin, I’m accused of being cruel and insensitive.
Drunk
My girl turns on me as if I’m the devil. Recently she got drunk and questioned why I am still alive when her “darling angel” is dead. I asked her not to be so hurtful and she stormed off.
I get it that she was drunk and upset, but it still hurt. The next day I asked her to remember what she’d said and she stood by it. She actually reiterated that I’m a waste of space.
What have I done to deserve this? She’s started going out drinking without me. When I beg her to be careful, she accuses me of being a bully. When I offer to pick her up, she screams that I’m a control freak.
I’m not, I’m simply concerned. She constantly yells that life is for living and that her cousin’s early death has made her realise that every day is precious. I get that.
My own father died in 2017 and that was a massive wake-up call for me because the poor man was only 56 and had never been abroad or really lived.
How do I make my girl understand that I’m on her side, but can only take so much? I can’t share this with my own family because I know they’d order me to dump her on the spot.
JANE SAYS: I suspect your family is worried about you.
They know about the tragic death of your girlfriend’s cousin and can probably see how much you have on your shoulders right now.
Remember that you aren’t superhuman and that you’re still recovering from your own father’s death.
Of course you wish to support your girl, but you have to consider your own wellbeing and limits too.
I get the impression that you are irritating her at the moment. Why don’t you suggest some time apart? Allow her own family and closest friends to support her.
I suspect that she’d benefit from bereavement counseling. You might benefit too.
This can be organised via CRUSE Bereavement Care, cruse.org.uk (0808 808 1677).
She needs to be reassured that her cousin’s death was in no way her fault and that there was nothing more she could have done.
But taking her frustrations out on you isn’t productive or fair. It could be that you will be able to reunite once she’s accepted that you’re actually one of the good guys.
MY partner’s parents give him money behind my back to help clear his credit card debits, but make it clear that he’s not to pass any on to me.
They’re lovely to my face, but clearly don’t trust me.
He’s admitted that they don’t think I’ll stick around and that I’m flighty.
How dare they? He and I are in a loving and committed relationship.
Admittedly, my parents don’t have any spare money to fling about, but they would never be that two-faced or mean.
JANE SAYS: It’s up to his parents what they do with their cash. If they choose to sub their son, that’s their business.
Don’t allow their actions to get to you.
Be yourself, enjoy your life and just be grateful that they’ve got his back.
If he uses his credit card to pay for meals or treats, then don’t you already benefit in that way?
In an ideal world he should be urged to curb his spending, set a working budget and live within his means.
I wouldn’t be surprised if his parents are exasperated and haven’t already suggested it to him.