She won’t have sex because of germs
to bottom. Sheets are changed every morning and the washing machine is going non-stop.
Not only have we lost her income, but we’re also spending a fortune on electricity and cleaning products. Our house stinks of bleach and disinfectant.
I keep begging her to cut me some slack. All I want is for things to go back to how they used to be. She veers between apologising for being stupid to shouting that I need to be more kind and understanding. Help!
JANE SAYS: Your partner sounds distressed and lost.
She is now without a fulltime job, at home all day and her confidence has taken a knock. Cleaning gives her an outlet, but obsessive behaviour is always a worry.
There’s no doubt that her experience in that filthy house and the row with her ex-business partner have taken their toll, but she can’t allow those negative experiences to define her.
Let her know that she is loved and supported and that you can get through anything together. Ask her to visit her GP for help. Offer to go with her and stay by her side.
Take sex off the menu for the time being if it distresses her and concentrate on small steps back to normality.
Encourage her to eat well, exercise and rest. In time, you can think about holiday plans or future treats.
Once she’s well enough, she might consider going back to work in an environment that suits her better.
Try not to get frustrated because we all go through rough patches and experience periods of confusion where we feel overwhelmed and anxious. She shouldn’t worry what others think – it is no-one else’s business.
I FIND my wife’s childish attitude towards money disrespectful.
We both work and cover our bills, with very little left over for treats, but she often splurges online and in shops.
She gushes “I’m a shopaholic” as if she has no control over her spending.
I know she’s frustrated because our friends have more than us, but I just need her to grow up until we’re through this rough patch.
I’m no killjoy or meanie – I’m simply terrified of debt.
JANE SAYS: Make talking about money a priority.
Look at what you’re spending and where savings might be made.
Check over your bank statements and plan for the short and long-term future.
Consider a money makeover, as advised by nationaldebtline. org – think about switching your energy suppliers, as well as getting better deals and benefits (if you’re entitled to them).
If your wife overspends because she’s depressed or anxious, encourage her to speak to her GP. She has to know that you’re in this together.