You dung wrong, sir
A FLORIDA man has caused a stink after allegedly dumping a bucket of cow manure over the head of his victim.
Jose Ramirez-callejas carried out the assault at a dairy farm in Crystal Springs, about 30 miles north of Tampa, said police.
An officer reported observing “cow manure on the victim’s forehead and leg”. The 47-year-old has been charged with battery after admitting he’d dung wrong.
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ANOTHER snowflake from the States.
A vegan runner asked her neighbours not to cook meat with their windows open because the smell is “offensive”.
The unnamed jogger, from Berkeley, in northern California, complained the whiff was “overpowering” at dinnertime.
She asked locals to show “empathy for their plant-based” neighbours by closing windows while cooking and only grilling vegetables on the barbecue. meltdown
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NEW Mexico woman Diana Hogrebe is facing a theft charge after a neighbour’s anatomical skeleton model went missing.
She claims her noisy neighbour deliberately left its middle finger raised.
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NORTH of the border, grandfather Keith Redl has slammed organisers after his young grandson won £115 worth of cannabis products. The youngster had bought several raffle tickets at an ice hockey tournament in British Columbia only to see his number pulled out the hat.
His prize? Cannabisinfused edibles and paraphernalia, including a colourful pipe and lighter.
“I couldn’t believe it. There’s not an international sporting event in the world that allows you to have marijuana in your system, yet we are promoting it at an eight-year-old kids’ hockey tournament? It’s ludicrous,” former Mountie Redl said.
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PARKER the “snow dog” has been sworn in as the mayor of Georgetown.
The three-year-old Bernese, who has 22,000 followers on Instagram, was unanimously voted into the honorary position in the small Colorado town by its board of selectmen.
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Amid the coronavirus outbreak, my barman Richard was delighted with his latest observation on life. He said to me: “You never really wash your hands. You just stand there watching your hands wash each other.” Huh?