Mum won’t let me live with my lover
JEALOUS OF GIRL’S PARENTS
MY parents like brats.
They are seriously jealous of my new partner and the warm relationship I enjoy with her lovely family.
My mum, in particular, is furious that I’m planning to leave home and move in with my girl and her folks. She screams it’s too soon, that I’m too young, and that I’m being selfish and rash.
But I’m 28 and ready for the next chapter in my life. are behaving
Drink
Recently my mum had a bit too much to drink during Sunday lunch and accused my girlfriend of trying to steal me away!
My girlfriend, to her credit, actually laughed out loud. I’m an only child. Mum, dad and me have always been a tight unit.
From holidays to weekly shops, I’ve always been around to help out and pitch in.
I accept that they’ll miss me, but it’s not as if I’m moving to the other side of the world. I’m only going 20 miles away.
But that, according to my melodramatic mother, may as well be Timbuktu. She sobs that she’ll never see me again and says my girlfriend’s family have won.
She’s even accused me of loving my future mother-in-law more than her. I don’t see why this has to be a competition. Why can’t our families blend like modern people? Why can’t my mother embrace change?
I’ve tried speaking to my dad about this, but he’s upset and angry too. He keeps saying rubbish like: “You’re breaking your mother’s heart.”
I’m under so much pressure. I’m desperate to keep the peace and do the right thing, but my girlfriend is no pushover and keeps urging me to tell my parents to grow up.
JANE SAYS: It’s very important that you stay strong and follow your heart. If you love your girlfriend and wish to start carving out a new life with her, then you’re entitled to do so.
Of course your mother loves you, but she doesn’t own you. At the moment it sounds as if she’s being very silly indeed. You’ve reached the grand old age of 28 and you’re ready to move on.
That’s what happens in life – we meet new people, take chances and evolve. The house will be empty without you, but you can still visit.
Jealously is a natural, but unattractive human emotion and your mother needs to hear that she cannot contrive to guilt-trip or smother you.
Beg your parents to start seeing things from your point of view. This isn’t about winners and losers, it’s about you spreading your wings and becoming a more confident and independent man.
Isn’t it what they brought you up to be? Ask them to respect your girlfriend and her family so that you can all start to bond as equal adults.
Sadly, if they fail to snap out of this massive sulk, then they could end up the losers.
Do they really wish to drive you away for good?