My sugar dad sex shame haunts me
SCARED TO TELL PARTNER
I HAD sugar daddies at university and now I feel ashamed and cheap.
What was I thinking? In return for free meals and cash gifts, I’ve been left with a massive sense of self-loathing.
My friends may have scary student loans, but at least they sleep soundly at night.
Me, I am like a fugitive. I am terrified of bumping into one of my old clients or my new girlfriend being told the truth – that I was once an unscrupulous money-grabber and tart.
Parties
She is so lovely and deserves someone so much better than me. She has no idea that I used to prostitute myself for handouts.
One of my clients owned a huge house in the countryside. He loved to throw X-rated parties where girls like me put on a show and romped with his mates.
At the time I thought it was all a great laugh. Fuelled with vodka and champagne, I splashed naked in the heated pool and let rip in the adult playroom. I thought I was invincible.
I look back now and wince because I realise how awestruck and pathetic I must have looked.
His creepy clients used to tell me I was special but all they wanted was flattery and kinky sex. My girlfriend and I got together last September. She’s gentle, thoughtful and kind – and thinks I am too.
I pretend that my time at uni was spent studying and helping the needy, but I was selfish and hedonistic from day one.
It was only when I graduated with a 3rd class degree and saw how disappointed my parents were, that I finally woke up. How do I begin to make things right?
JANE SAYS: You have to unburden yourself in order to set yourself free. If you tell the truth, no-one – not your ex-lovers or university friends
– will have anything over you. I am not pretending telling your girlfriend will be easy.
She’ll be just as disappointed and upset as you are.
But if you are determined to conduct this relationship on a mature and honest footing, she has to understand who you are and what you’ve been through.
You are not perfect and neither is she. You may have done some stupid things, but she won’t be blemish-free either.
As long as she knows that you’re sincere and have learnt your lesson then that’s all that matters. Explain that you have something on your mind, then give it to her straight – don’t try to sugarcoat the truth or put any kind of spin on it.
Just tell your story and ask her to understand that you’re not that person any more.
If she asks for time out to inwardly digest the news, then give her the space she needs. Remind her that it’s taken a lot of guts to come clean, but you’ve done so because you love her.
You want nothing to come between you and will never do anything like this again.