BOJO TO GO A WISE BET Cummings & goings
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I’M SICK of being stuck in house staring at my phone.
I just want to go to the pub so I can stare at my phone there instead.
But I did go out of the house this week to play golf with a mate.
I played terribly but I still won because I made my own rules and used the Dominic Cummings handicap system.
Every time I hit a really long drive that went way out of bounds, I didn’t receive a penalty and I carried on as normal.
It’s been so long since I’ve been out that I made the most of it and played four rounds.
But that was still fewer holes than the ones in Cummings’ eyesight story.
He claimed he took a long drive with his wife and kid to a castle – to make sure he could see properly.
Inspired by his tale, I’ve been testing my balance by strapping my missus and children on my back and walking across a canyon on a tightrope.
His job should have been dangling over a cliff but I guess that would mean sacking himself. Cummings has his hand the firmly up Boris’s behind – and they are the most annoying puppet double act to hit our screens since Rod Hull and Emu.
How is anyone supposed to listen to what Emu, sorry I mean Boris, has to say after this.
Loads of people lockdown because of it.
The worst example I’ve heard about was two Scotsmen who walked 500 miles to fall down at a girl’s door. Outrageous.
It’s Cummings’ Tory party and we can all cry if we want to.
There are reports that Dom quit in six months.
Which is good news for the band Genesis, as they will get their drummer back.
I hear Teflon are in talks to rename pans after the slippery spin doctor – as absolutely nothing seems to stick on him.
It may start the wheels falling off Boris’s parade, though and the 7-2 Coral is offering for Johnson to leave his post before the year is out, could be a wise bet. have broken is set to