Tide’s gone out on our beach passion
NOT THE SAME AS BEFORE
JUMPING back into bed with my first love has been a disaster.
He used to be so handsome, sexy and fit. He was my first boyfriend – the guy to whom I lost my virginity.
We were together for nine months in 2003 and I worshipped the ground he walked on.
He used to take me down to his dad’s beach hut for sizzling sex sessions. We’d drag old towels onto the floor and bonk for Britain. He was like a sex machine and kept going for hours.
I remember one night of amazing sex, then we stripped naked and ran into the sea to cool off.
He dumped me when he caught the eye of a rich divorcee who promised him a cushy job – and a soft bed.
Spark
They were together for 10 years before she found someone younger and he moved to Spain.
Now he’s back and is trying to rekindle things with me, but he’s just not that guy any more.
Not only is he flabbier but the spark has gone. Also, I’ve begun to realise he’s not that bright or interesting. He’s lazy in bed – expecting me to do all the hard work – and boring in company.
I have to conclude that he’s someone who has always traded on his looks and is now living on his past glories.
He hasn’t matured or moved on. If I’m honest he’s a bit sad and pathetic, and I’m struggling to respect him as my equal.
He’s been living here these past months and I’d like my space back.
However any time I suggest he moves on he finds an excuse to stay.
He tries to make me responsible for his welfare.
At the moment he’s saying he can’t afford to rent and I might have to sub him if he’s to find a place of his own. How did I get myself into this position? feel
JANE SAYS: It sounds as if your beach baby is hanging on by his fingertips.
He’s back in Britain and you’re his last hope. He’s desperate and looking for a place to stay and has decided that you will do.
Maybe he was your first love, but a lot has happened since you last went skinnydipping together.
You now have your opinions, views and feelings and you’re very different people.
He may have dazzled you with his sex appeal, but that doesn’t entitle him to a lifetime of comfort and gratitude. It’s sad if he finds himself down on his luck, but that’s not your responsibility.
Level with him. Explain that getting back together again may have seemed like a good idea, but it’s not working.
You have nothing in common and are trying to breathe life back into a juvenile relationship that was never fully formed in the first place.
It’s not for you to prop up or sub anyone. If he starts to be a nuisance, or threatens or intimidates you in any way, then you must speak to trusted friends and family members or even the police.