Selfish wife’s lust for a school mum
SHE HAS LEFT ME IN LIMBO
MY wife is having an affair with another woman, but doesn’t see why we should get a divorce.
In fact, she’s trying to make out that I’m being unreasonable for complaining about her extramarital sex.
Her grand plan is for us to keep this house and for her to come and go as she pleases.
I understand she can’t help her feelings and that this woman is very special, but why should I be the one to suffer humiliation and ridicule?
Our twins are 16 and pretty much do their own thing. They spend a lot of time at my mother’s house at the seaside.
Yoga
But my wife wants the family home to remain intact – with me at the helm – for when she and they return. Meanwhile, she wants to be able to conduct a full, sexual relationship with her girlfriend on the side.
I didn’t even know that she liked women. Her lover is one of the mums from our twins’ old school. Apparently they bonded over an interest in yoga and have been sleeping together behind my back since last November.
Her bisexual husband spends a lot of time abroad and doesn’t care what she gets up to. But I mind very much that the woman I married – the mother of my children – is running around like a love-struck schoolgirl.
My family is disgusted and my mates are stunned. My father-inlaw phoned and made out that everything was my fault.
He said if I was anything of a man and a proper husband, his daughter wouldn’t need a female lover. I can’t win. How come my perfect life has turned to dust?
JANE SAYS: You have to make it clear to your wife that you are no pushover.
The fact is that you and she don’t have an open relationship. You can’t control who she fancies, but you are fully entitled to complain when she hurts and humiliates you.
I’m sure she would like to have her cake and eat it too, but life doesn’t work like that.
Why should you work hard to maintain the family home when she’s not interested in considering your feelings or showing you respect?
She needs to decide where she wants to be. Who does she love and who does she want to live with full-time?
She can’t assume you’ll roll over and do her bidding just because she says so. Doesn’t she realise how selfish she’s being? And don’t worry about what her family thinks because you don’t have to answer to anyone.
Your performance in bed won’t have driven your wife away. She makes her own choices. Tell your father-inlaw not to call again if he can’t bring himself to support you during this difficult time.
Trust your instincts. Put your children and yourself first. I suspect that your wife’s affair will eventually fizzle out. At that point, you and she will have an awful lot of talking to do.