He’s desperate to shack up with me
I HARDLY KNOW THE GUY
I’VE only had sex with my boyfriend twice, but now he’s asking if he can move in with me.
His landlord is selling the flat he rents and he says it would be silly to commit to two more years in another property.
He says surely it makes far more sense to come straight here to me? That way we can share the bills and chores and even start saving up for a place of our own.
He knows I’d love a big garden and dream of growing my own vegetables and raising chickens.
I like the bloke enormously and everything he says makes perfect sense, but I can’t help feeling that this is all too much too soon.
He and I first got together in March. He was visiting my city on business. We bonked twice in his hotel room before he rushed back to his hometown where he’s been isolating ever since.
Admittedly he and I have texted each other every day and Face Timed every night – often with X-rated endings!
Now he’s at a crossroads. Does he stay down there (in a new rental) or come up here and live with me? Apparently the ball is in my court.
In many ways I do feel as though I know him because we’ve chatted so much and have had an almost formal/distanced courtship.
But then my friends ask me about his parents, his habits and his work and dating history and I don’t have those details because I’ve only actually spent 24 hours in his company.
Is that really weird or is that just the way things are these days?
JANE SAYS: You must not allow this guy to hurry or harass you. Trust your instincts and set the agenda.
There’s no denying some people do meet on a first date and move in together.
But you are an individual and need to do things your way.
Your guy may be presenting his situation as, either, stay down there or move in with you, but why can’t he get a place near to you?
Why does he have to move in lock, stock and barrel when you’ve barely shared a meal let alone your first argument?
Ultimately, it’s not your job to find him a home. I agree that these are unusual times, but you have to feel comfortable and cannot compromise your usual principals.
Talking to someone over
Face Time simply isn’t the same as sharing a bed or splitting the bills.
Get back to him and start being honest.
Explain that you need a lot more time and won’t make apologies for that.
If there’s the slightest chance that he is attempting to take advantage of your good nature or cosy situation, then you have to be wise to that.
Sadly, there are a lot of chancers out there and you have to be ready to sniff out the opportunists from the good guys.