Fella gagging me in my own home
HE GOES MAD IF I PHONE
MY partner is working from home and expects total silence at all times.
The pressure is killing me. I’m not allowed to put on the radio, move about or talk on the phone.
The irony is that I’ve been home based for over five years and earn considerably more than he does.
He turned our front room into an office in March when his firm ordered everyone out.
Boss
I get it that he’s under stress. He’s missing his colleagues and the office buzz and is terrified about being made redundant but does he have to be so uptight and controlling? Does he have to yell “shut up” every time I try to speak to a client? I can see us breaking up over this.
The other day my boss gave me a special project. I warned my man that I’d be on back- to- back Zoom calls for the best part of a week. He went into a complete meltdown; he stormed that I’d better use headphones and not disturb him or he’d change the wi- fi password.
I usually work from 8am- 4pm and do the washing, cleaning and vacuuming before our 7pm dinner. Yet this well- planned routine is now banned because it doesn’t suit him. He’s not very organised, panics and re- does pieces of work three or four times because he doesn’t trust his instincts.
This means he often works at weekends too where his hushhush policy also applies.
I get especially angry when he barks at me to be quiet all day – and then expects me to be vocal ( and grateful) in bed at night.
JANE SAYS: I suspect you’re tiptoeing around in an effort to keep the peace, but this cannot go on.
You recognise he’s stressed and even terrified, but no- one can endure this
level of control. For seven months you’ve allowed him to call the shots but now he has to hear that you need your freedom.
Insist on speaking to him away from your desks and bring in a fresh start.
Point out that you’ve been working from home for a considerable amount of time and have your own wellestablished routine that doesn’t deserve to be disrespected.
Your work is equally as valid as his and you refuse to be gagged.
If he’s stressed and unconfident,
then what can you do to assist him? Can you help him to plan his day and his output? Can you help to boost his professional confidence? Can you insist that his computer goes off at 4pm, likes yours, and is never turned on at weekends?
He has to know that changes need to be made if you’re to work alongside each other or even stay together.
Does he realise how unreasonable he is? You need to show your teeth and establish your position, or he’ll continue to flail about and destroy your relationship.