Bozo’s cluck cluck jabber jabber!!
RANDOM thoughts on the coronavirus vaccine announcement that have been needling me:
● Why did Bozza and sidekicks announce the best bit of news we’ve had since March like they were reading a funeral eulogy? Have positivity and optimism been put under lockdown?
● What’s with all the metaphors? Scoring penalties in football ( which we’re mostly rubbish at), trains hurtling down tunnels towards you ( again not exactly a good place to be), swallows doing summer migrations ( like any of us remember holidays?) and, finally, buglers tooting ( cocaine?). Blow the Covid immunisation, think we need one against bad analogies first.
● Boris’s complete inability to ( a) not slump ( b) get through a single sentence without an “um” or “er” and ( c) brush his bloody hair.
● Why the scary Brigadier chap talked to us like we’re slightly dim toddlers, and why he waved that test thing about like he was on QVC.
● Has anyone ever seen Deputy Chief Medical Officer Jonathan Van- Tam and Danger Mouse character Penfold in the same place at the same time?
● Where have the Brothers Grim ( aka Whitty & Valance) gone? Banished to the naughty step for coming up with figures more artificially inflated than Katie Price’s boobs?
● Why did the British government order 40million doses before it was proven to work? I mean, not like they’ve wasted any money on the pandemic in the past, is it?
● How come the journalists at the news conference NEVER ask the questions that every member of the public is screaming at their telly?
● What is Wee Nicky Krankie’s plan to top the announcement given her endless quest to outdo anything English? And will it involve a wall?
● How did a husband and wife team manage to come up with such a brilliant scientific breakthrough without arguing? In my gaff we can’t even load the dishwasher together without divorce being discussed.
● Will a drug from Viagra drug manufacturers Pfizer prevent Bozza from suffering electile disfunction?
● While we’re talking sex, drugs and the effect too much, um, self pleasuring has on men, have we finally unearthed the real reason for Dominic Cummings’ dodgy eyesight?
● Why is anyone upset about the vaccine having to be stored at a bone numbing - 70C? Any female with a man who insists on flinging windows open and turning heating down in the middle of winter can help with that one.
● If it’s true Boris was “bounced” into this ludicrous second lockdown does the vaccine good news mean he might actually grow something that really bounces? Like balls?
● Would any of us take a vaccine if it was made in China? And will any of us ever be able to say the name of that country again without pronouncing it “Chaaainar”, Trump style?
● And finally… how come there was an entire televised Government briefing about a little prick – and yet no sign of Health Secretary Matt Hancock?