Hubby’s self- pity is driving me mad
HATES TO BE STUCK AT HOME
MY husband keeps complaining of feeling lonely.
But how can that be when there are five of us jammed in this house?
He and I are working from home. Our daughter is here from university and our two lodgers have got the loft.
None of us really switches off and it’s a hive of activity practically seven days a week. If I’m not engaged with Zoom calls, I’m typing up notes. Our lodgers and daughter have their projects and tend to stick to their own rooms most of the time.
I’m sick of my husband feeling sorry for himself when we’re all busy and stressed.
Snappy
If anything, he’s the lucky one. He’s got the tiny downstairs study – his own space – while I work at the kitchen table.
He complains that we’re not communicating and that there’s no work/ life balance any more.
But that’s not my fault, is it? He’s snappy and irritable and doesn’t want sex.
I know he misses his commute, his colleagues and actually being in the city every day.
His boss has said that he doesn’t want anyone back until after Easter – at the earliest – and he’s struggling with that. But I do
find it rather insulting that he’s not content to be here with me.
Surely this should be considered a “golden period”? When else are we all going to be a family again? Our daughter has made it clear she’ll be out of here and living with her boyfriend just as soon as she’s graduated.
Last night he moaned again that he doesn’t feel valued or listened to and that he doesn’t command respect. Boo hoo.
Why does he always have to make everything about him?
JANE SAYS: We can all feel bewildered and wretched even in a crowd. If we don’t
feel supported, cherished or important then vulnerability follows.
You’re all working from home, but he feels isolated.
With no proper routine or reason to get up, showered and properly dressed he can feel himself drifting.
His daily commute gave him some headspace. Mixing with his colleagues and eating lunch at a different table added variety, too.
Now one week bleeds into the next and he’s struggling to cope. Give him a break because it must have taken a lot of courage to speak up. A
lot of men don’t like to admit they’re feeling down because they feel they have to maintain a stiff upper lip.
You don’t have to be slaves to your keyboards 24/ 7. What about new house rules so you all eat dinner together?
Ringfence weekends and factor in long walks and trips out for a coffee ( if that’s allowed). If gyms or pools are open in your area, then embrace fitness as a couple too.
Please don’t ignore his cry for help or suggest he’s a nuisance for speaking out.
The Samaritans ( 116 123) are always on hand to listen.