He’s simply the worst
AMERICA had a new star last week – the worst lawyer ever to grace the Senate floor. No-one outside the legal community knew the name Bruce Castor before he stood up to kick off the defence of Donald Trump in his second impeachment trial. Now everyone knows his name after his bungling left the ex-president seething with anger. And to think he always bragged how he only hired the best. BRAD Gauthier from Massachusetts has issued a warning to anyone who falls asleep with Apple Airpods in. After finding he was unable to swallow properly, he went to hospital. An X-ray showed that while asleep one had fallen out of his ear and into his mouth. He must have been really feeling the beat. COVID restrictions have made 40% of Americans feel like born-again virgins, research by sex toy brand Kiiro has shown, with the average person going 90 days without nookie. BLAKELEE Sands is wishing she was someone else right now. The 18-year-old Oklahoman had her fake ID seized at a bar, leading her to call the police in order to get it back. The teenager insisted the card was authentic and that she was, in fact, Mckamie Queen and aged over the legal drinking age of 21. Sands later said she thought her ruse would not be detected by police but she was arrested for presenting a fake ID with the intention of misleading a police officer. A WOMAN who set her hair with powerful Gorilla Glue after running out of hair spray is set to sue its maker. Lengthy trips to the emergency room for Tessica Brown to remove the product proved to be unsuccessful, leaving her having to fly to a specialist on the west coast to have it removed with a medical solvent. The 40-year-old, from Violet, Louisiana, was only freed from her nightmare on Wednesday after a month of being stuck. I’m not sure who is more stupid, though – Brown or the people who donated towards the $20,000 raised for her case through Gofundme.
AND FINALLY...
LIKE many people in lockdown, my barman Richard is considering getting a dog. When I asked if it was for his young daughter, he said: “No. It would just be nice to come home to someone in the house who is happy to see me.”