Everyone believes we’re lesbian pair
BUT WE ARE JUST FRIENDS
WHY can’t my family accept that my best friend and I are mates – and not secret lesbian lovers?
Yes, we share a bedroom, but that’s because neither of us earns much and this flat is all we can afford. We’re in separate beds.
We can’t turn the front room into another bedroom because it’s open plan with a kitchen.
I’m sick of having to explain myself. I’m tired of my brother’s childish nudge-nudge, winkwink comments every time we attend a family event.
Invited
My sister is planning to get married, and my friend and I have been invited as a couple. I just know that I’ll be bombarded with insensitive “it’ll be you two next” comments when the ceremony eventually takes place.
My friend urges me to chill out as we know who we are, but it’s not nice being constantly told by my mother that she “doesn’t mind” that I’m gay when I’m not.
I get the impression that she’d prefer it if I was more sexually active and interesting.
More than once my sister has blasted me for being in denial. She’s said I insult every lesbian in the country with my inability to stand up and say “I am who I am”, but who is she to judge me? The
reality is that I was in a clandestine relationship with a married man for many years. He promised to divorce his wife and marry me. In the end he dumped me on the day we were due to move in together and I later discovered he lied through his teeth.
My mate endured a horrible childhood in a violent, abusive household. She’s never been able to tell me the details, but the upshot is that she isn’t interested in intimacy with anyone – male or female.
JANE SAYS: You’re entitled to live your life, your way, and don’t have to explain yourselves
to anyone. You are so lucky to have each other – you clearly both calm and complement the other one.
It’s sad that everyone assumes that there’s a secret, sexual side to your arrangement. Whatever happened to genuine friendship? Women have always lived together and supported each other.
Why don’t you take your mother to one side and tell her for one, final time that there is nothing “going on” and that she dents your mother/daughter relationship every time she suggests that there is. Can she respect
your lifestyle choice as an independent woman? If not then why not?
If you feel inclined to elaborate and talk about the hurt you experienced after your affair ended, do so, but don’t feel obliged to open up.
As for your friend, it would be wonderful if she would talk to a health professional about the trauma she experienced as a child.
Ultimately, I think your family will belt up and calm down once they realise that you and your friend have a life to live and have never invited comment or scrutiny.