Schlong & short of it..
I CALL MINE BIG BERTHA WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE KIDDING MR HITLER ?
Classical columns:
Historians say ancient Greeks preferred tiny todgers, seeing them as a sign of intelligence and selfcontrol, hence all the small willies on their statues. But their god of fertility, Priapus, was shown as having a huge member.
Getting horny: For Viking warriors penis size was a status symbol, while in Renaissance times men wore codpieces to suggest they had a large willy.
Boney part: French Emperor Napoleon’s penis was allegedly removed after his death in 1821 and has been kept in private collections since. The oneand-a-half inch organ has been described as looking like a “shrivelled eel”.
Nazi piece: As well as genuinely only having one testicle, historians say records show that Nazi Germany’s Adolf Hitler had a “micro-penis” too.
Monky business: Russian mystic Rasputin, known as the “mad monk” allegedly had a 13-incher.
Big knob: Former US President Lyndon Johnson was so proud of his meat and two veg that he nicknamed his willy “Jumbo”. Little pecker: Porn star Stormy Daniels, who claimed to have slept with Donald Trump, said the exPresident’s tool looked like the “mushroom character from Mario Kart”.
Small confession: Stars who’ve outed themselves include singer Enrique Iglesias: “I have the smallest penis in the world.” Jackass star Johnny Knoxville reckons his looks “like a light switch” and actor Shia LaBeouf said: “I’m not extremely well endowed”. Rocker Rod Stewart said addiction to steroids in the 1980s shrunk his, while shock jock Howard Stern admits he’s “hung like a pimple”. Tittle-tackle: TV’s Katie Price also weighed in on exhubby Andre’s appendage, comparing it to the size of a Sky TV remote control, but she mocked Dane Bowers’ winky as “tiny”.
Truth unzipped: The average penis when erect is 5.16 inches long and 3.6 inches when flaccid. American Jonah Falcon, left, has the world’s biggest willy at 13.5 inches.