Mum’s a monster to my lovely guy
SHE’S SO JEALOUS OF ROLE
MY mother is insanely jealous of my husband and resents his role in my life.
My partner and I met and married last year.
Ours was something of a whirlwind romance but I’ve never been happier. He’s quiet and thoughtful and kind.
Party
I can be loud and something of an exhibitionist and he grounds me. I feel stable and appreciated.
Unfortunately my mother doesn’t share my joy. She’s just back in the country after spending several years abroad.
My stepfather died before Christmas, leaving her plenty of money and she’s ready to party. She wants me all to herself and is openly rude about my husband.
She doesn’t believe I’m gay and accuses him of corrupting me. She blames him for the fact she doesn’t have grandchildren, even though I’ve explained that it could still happen. It is 2022!
I wouldn’t say she’s homophobic because she used to work in the theatre and has loads of gay friends – it’s just that she applies different rules when it comes to me.
She thinks I should settle down with a “little wife” who she would then boss around.
Recently she was very rude to my husband during a meal at our house. He had just cooked a beautiful Sunday lunch when she started picking on him, telling him he’s boring, unimaginative and probably after her money. Being the gentleman he is, he just smiled and muttered: “You’re entitled to your opinion.”
But I’m furious. How dare she act like such a monster?
JANE SAYS: I get the impression your mother would be jealous of anyone sharing your life.
She’s newly widowed and looking for a fresh start. She has money and energy and views you as her perfect companion, but you have your own life to live.
She may regard your husband as a major inconvenience but he’s the person you have chosen to share your life with. He deserves politeness and respect.
I get the impression of a woman who thinks she can say and do anything she likes.
She needs to be told that she overstepped the mark. Get her on her own and explain you’ve had enough.
Tell her she hurts you every time she comes out with yet another insult and slur. Sadly, if she can’t accept your sexuality, if she’s jealous of your husband and can’t reconcile herself to your situation, then maybe you and she need to spend some time apart?
Maybe she needs to mix with other people, travel a bit and start to accept that you are no longer a child.
Your husband may be a gentleman but I can’t believe he’ll put up with her nonsense for much longer. And why should he?
Reassure him of your love and commitment to your relationship.